I realized that I have not blogged about my decision. I decided to run a marathon this November. I am following a training program from a running magazine and it is going well. I am about a month into the training and while it is hard, it has been incredibly rewarding. Before I started this program I had doubts, and in my head I was battling back and forth if I could do it. Then my bff and I decided to train together, then she dropped out because she is pregnant!!! Yea!! But, that left me in a small delima. I went back and forth in my mind telling myself I can do this, then doubts would creep in and I would here a small voice saying there is no way you can do it. Quit, run the 1/2 marathon, it is easier, this marathon is out of your league. But I kept running. I have been at it for a few weeks now, and my longest run was 12 miles, and I did it on my own. While I ran that distance last year during the 1/2 marathon, I did it with others around me. I did it with the support of a friend and the crowd. I questioned myself, I questioned could I run 12 miles on my own, with no one around.
So last Saturday I set out and I ran, and I did not stop. There are a few times I was really tired because it was so hot, but I kept running. When I was running and my knees were aching, my mouth dry, and my spirit low, and ready to stop, another voice came in my head. I heard all of the people who have ever told me I could not do something, and this time, rather than listen to them, I got mad, and I wanted to prove them wrong. I did then, and I will in November. I will run 26.2. I might not break any records, but I will finish that marathon. So on days like today, my day that I am supposed to sleep in, I wake up at 5:30, strap on my water belt, lace up my shoes and I hit the pavement. I think about the doubters who don't have the courage to set goals and then do the work to reach them. I think about all the coaches who yelled at me on the soccer field all those years ago. I think about how they pointed out my flaws and weaknesses and I turn that from doubt to motivation. And that is what moves me. That is what keeps me going. That, and the feeling. The feeling that I have right now. That post run glow, that feeling that some feat has been accomplished, and I get to spend the rest of my day relaxing, knowing that I don't have to do that again, feel that kind of pain again for another 6 days. I have done more than 30 miles this week and I have a slow 4 miler tomorrow, and then comes Monday, my glorious day off, a day where I get to leave my tennis shoes in my closet, and come straight home after work, rather than go and workout.
I remembered something about myself during this training. I remembered that I am strong. I am one tough woman (now the anthem from Rocky is playing in the background--hehe, jk!) and if I set my mind to something, and commit, I can and will do it. I remembered it, and I want to hold on to it. It is funny how at your weakest moment, you realize things about yourself that you somehow forgot along the way, isnt it.
It is funny to me how the thing I once despised, (running) because it was a punishment, is now something that I long to do. It is my sanity after a long day, it is my therapist when I need to work things out in my head, it is my excitement at the end of the day. It is good.