Beautiful

I have always liked art. I have never really known much about it, I am ashamed to admit, I guess you could blame that on ignorance. I am not artistic or creative, and have prusued other interests. A few months ago P bought this print for me, and I thought it was simply beautiful. I set it on the bookshelf in our living room, then time and time again I find my eye being drawn to this painting. It is by an artist named Kelly Rae Roberts. All of her work is somewhat whimsical and feminine, yet it still has a striking presence in a room. What I like most about this piece is the quote on the girls dress. It reads, "the whispers of our lives want us to take notice. they may just be whispers, small voices tucked deep inside the pockets of our hearts, but we must hold their possibilities close to our chests and allow them to step into the light."

P gave this to me while I was training for the marathon, and I was in a place where I was rediscovering some of myself that I had once lost.

I am so greatful that P understands my journey and is willing to spur me along on the way.

8 a Day

I need 8, sometimes more. Not that I count them or anything. It may sound dumb, but I am talking about hugs. One of my love languages is physical affection, not only to give but to receive. No, I am not one of those creepy people who goes around hugging everyone, but I really do need physical affection. Mostly from P, but I do receive love from others through physical touch. Last year when P and I went to the Dave Ramsey seminar, he talked about how most women have a "security gland" and that gland can be eased through affection. He said to all the men several times "hug your wives." He said, "your wife needs at least 5 non sexual hugs a day." I don't know if that is true for most women, but for me it is totally true. Being embraced by P in the middle of a tough situation, or after an argument, just puts my mind at ease. And those times when he just comes up, and hugs me for a few seconds, that is how I feel his love and receive his love. Even when we are sitting on the couch watching t.v., I like to touch him with my foot, or even just have his hand resting on my leg. There is just something so comforting to me about physical touch.
I remember when I moved away to graduate school, I didn't know anyone. After about a week I started feeling weird, and I realized that the last last people that I had hugged, or even touched were my parents who helped me move. That made me really sad.
So yes, I need my 8 a day, it is kind of like my vitamins.

Movie Night

P and I are sick. Uhhh. Nothing terrible, we just have a couple of colds. So it will be lots of fluids, and lots of rest for us this long weekend. It is cold, rainy, and nasty out, so this is the perfect night to stay in. It has been raining for the past few days

Pretty Woman, A League of their Own, Pizza, and the rain. Just what I need tonight.

Maine Thoughts and Pictures

I had to have one of these pictures on the ski lift. Every set of pics I have ever seen from skiing has one of these! I was so excited

The view I woke up to every morning! It was beautiful when it was clear out.

The Yourk!!

On the slopes!

O Yea, I am a snow bunny!!!

Getting ready to roll!

The view was beautiful.

It has been a week since we returned from Maine, and I have had plenty of time to process the trip. It was amazingly fun. That is the first time I have traveled with a big group in a few years, and it was divine. The light hearted mood, lots of laughs and smiles, while sitting around watching the fire, made not only a warm hearth, but a warm heart, which was starkly contrasted by the cold, harsh weather outside. There is something haunting about being in a cabin tucked away at the top of a mountain side in the dead of winter. Silence abounds, and the darkness is cut by whipping wind, falling snow, and mountain peaks jutting out in the distance. Maine is beautiful in both the winter and summer. We were in one of those quintessential New England towns, filled with so much quirky charm and character, that at times made me feel as if I were transported to a different time. That, coupled with the fact that we had no phone or internet service for 4 out of 6 days, helped as well.

Skiing , which I have never done before was a blast. I kind of like going on vacation and getting a workout in as well. I picked it up the first day, and by the second I was off the bunny slopes and doing the blues. It was thrilling, scary, and nerve racking all at the same time. I left the slopes each day, tired, but excited, and wanting more. It was thrilling zooming down the mountain hearing nothing but my own breath, and feeling a burn in my legs, and the pounding of my heart as I pushed to go harder and faster.

There were several times this past week that I found myself telling P, "I wish we were still on vacation." I guess that is what retirement is for!

Sunday Evening

Sunday evening. Cold, beautiful, peaceful. No real need for words tonight.

" I would rather be shut up in a very modest cottage, with my books, my family, and a few old friends, dining on simple bacon, and letting the world roll on as it liked, than to occupy the most splendid post which any human power can give."

Thomas Jefferson

Pondering and Predictions

Prediction
Snuggling up on the couch next to P, this is the climax of the season. Months of blood, sweat, and tears, all come down to this. The BCS Championship game. I love, yet dread this time of year, when football season is winding down, and days spent on the couch watching game after game. Its over, its depressing. But, I do have 10 bucks riding on this game with about 15 friends, so even though I want Texas to win, I put my money on Bama. So, lets Roll Tide, I need them to win 32-20.

Pondering
It is a new decade! So much has changed in the past 10 years, the world is different, I am different. Sometimes, when I look back at who I was, I shudder and how selfish I was. I think about how immature I acted. UHHH, if I only knew then what I know now. 10 years ago I was entering my final semester as a senior in high school. I was about to sign my letter of intent to play college soccer, and was looking forward to a new challenge, yet scared out of my mind. I was so scared that the week before I was to leave, I told my parents that I didn't want to go to college. (In the end, I went) I was getting ready to move out of the only home I had ever known, and into a room with 6 other strangers. I was about to break up with a boy I had been dating for a few months, and really didn't even like. I threw my cap in the air on a football field on graduation night. I said goodbye to life long friends, some of whom I have not spoken to since that night. I jumped into a suburban with a bunch of girl friends and drove to the beach for my senior trip.
There are so many things that were going on in my life 10 years ago, but I am really glad where they have taken me. I have had some highs, and some lows, good and bad, beautiful, beautiful and ugly, and many moments in between. Would I do it all over again? Sure. I would be a little smarter about some things. I would have tried a little hard in school and been a little more prudent in my decisions. I would have worked harder to hold on to some friendships and thanked people more along the way. Yes, I would do it all over again. As long as it led me back here. Back to this couch, with this man, whom I love so much.

Fan Wars

There is a war being waged in our house, on a daily basis. It is ongoing, and continual and some days it drives me nuts. As with any war, you cannot truly understand the conflict if you don't understand its orgins. So hop into your time machines and come back with me to the genesis of the situation.
From early childhood until I was 24, I was hot. All the time. I was just hot. In every room I went I wanted the fan on and the air cool, just like my dad and my brother. My mom on the other hand was and is always cold. It can be 95 degrees outside, but when she is indoors, she has to have a blanket. She is always cold. It drove her nuts when we were growing up because we all needed it to be super cold to sleep at night. In the middle of summer my mom would walk around the house in a robe and thick socks, while the rest of us were in shorts and tee-shirts.
Fast forward to my years in graduate school. I was living in an apartment by myself and no longer splitting the bills with roommates. I realized quickly how much that energy bill costs. So being the smart, frugalista I was, I didn't turn on the a/c during the hot months. I had a small and cheap apartment right next to the freeway, and I would have all of my windows open, and just dealt with the mind numbing noise of the freeway. When it got too hot to handle I would walk to the mall across the street just to cool off. I didn't have any money so I never bought anything, I just walked around and enjoyed being cool again.
Then came winter. And once again being the smart, frugalista I was I decided that I was not going to turn on the heat, I would just add more blankets and sweaters. That was stupid. I got sick. I had bronchitis and a few other illnesses that plagued me that fall. I drove down to meet my family for Thanksgiving, and spent the entire holiday on the couch being nursed by my mom and my aunt.
This is where I changed. After that illness, I was always cold. I somehow had morphed into my mother. Ever since then, I am the one with wool socks my feet every single night. I am the one who was to take a steaming hot bath just to get rid of a chill.
And now that brings us back to the present. P is hot. Always. He likes to have it cool and he likes to have the fan on. I noticed a few weeks ago that whenever I walk into a room, I turn the fan off. Whenever P walks into a room he turns the fan on. On and on this cycle goes. If we are watching t.v., that fan basically does sprints. It goes on high for a short time, then I go and turn it off. It goes on for a short time, then I go and turn it off.
Right now the fan is off, but in short time, I would bet money that it will be switched on again and the war will continue.

Resolutions and Goals

It is so exciting this time of year. A time to start anew, a time to refresh, a time to start with a clean slate, a do over, a re try. When I was little, my brother would beat me at every game we played. Every single one. I remember playing soccer in the yard and he would win time after time, and I would say over and over, ok lets redo this game. Lets try this again, I am going to get serious this time. I really am going to focus now. That is how I feel about the 1st few weeks of the new year. It is a time to look at the past, and fix the things about your life that need tweaking.
I think that writing down goals is such an important exercise.
So here are my resolutions for 2010:
1. Write one letter a week.--I love sending hand written cards to my family and friends. A long time ago I decided that I would write 1 letter a week to someone that I cared about or someone I wanted to reconnect with. I am going to continue this goal. The one stipulation I have is that they must be hand written. It is so much more personal that an email, or a typed letter. So even though I don't like my handwriting I love doing this each week.
2. Green Up-- I want to continue to learn more about living green, and implementing those things into my life. I wrote in November that I wanted to start a compost pile for trash and have yet to do that. So this year, I really want to begin to act on the things I am learning.
3. Use what I have-- P and I did a massive purging this weekend. We took everything out of our kitchen cabinets and went through it all, and donated the things that we did not need. I also did the same thing with my clothes. For the next several weeks I am going to wear every single thing in my closet. If it is too tight, too big, too long, too short, or too anything to be worn, it will end up in the pile for Goodwill.
4. Fully Funded E-Fund-- P and I are so close to completing our E-fund. Just a few more months!!!
5. Principal Certification- I have considered getting my principals certification for some time and I want to really sit down and do the research this year.
6. Read More-- I enjoy reading, and can usually finish a book pretty quickly, and I want to continue to read books that inspire me, entertain me, and challenge me.
7. Cook More-- This past year I have developed a passion for cooking, and I want to continue to learn and experiment with new recipes and techniques.

Happy New Year

It is frustrating

We are home from vacay!!! It was an absolutely magical trip. I am still processing the trip right now, and will post some pictures and and my thoughts once I have fully unwound. My premature thoughts are that Maine is a beautiful place that encompasses so much of the charm that New England is known for. I met some great people, who were kind, funny, and giving, yet slightly haggard due to living in such harsh weather conditions.

One night on the trip we were all sitting around talking, and someone said something negative about their parents. A few days later, this same person made a wise crack about his brother, who happened to be sitting at the table. I did not say anything, but I was heart broken inside for the person who said it, and for the family members.

My mother-in-law said it best, "Family is a good hard thing." That is so true. Families don't come with a how to guide. We all make mistakes. We all mess up. And yes, some parents are really terrible, but for the most part, they really do try. We all have baggage and we all have hurts from our past but to openly criticize your family in front of others really bugs me.

I don't know if I am just really sensitive right now because of the time of year it, but it really irked me. I love getting to go home and visit my family. And, no matter how long I am there, it never seems like enough time. Whenever I leave, I feel sad because I want to spend more time with these amazing people. People that have loved me for who I am my entire life. People that have seen me at my worst and still love me, even when it is hard.

P and I made an agreement before we got married to never criticize each other in public. Never. Not once. Ever. Yes we fight, yes we have issues, and those things need to be dealt with in private, at home, between the 2 of us. We don't air our problems out in public, and we don't bash each other to friends. We have enough respect for each other to keep our mouths shut until we are able to work it out. I think so much of it boils down to respect. Respect for the people in your life. Respect for what they have gone through. You might not agree with how they live, or what they do, but you can love them. You can be kind.

Thanks for letting me vent.