25

25 things
1.I know every line to the movie Steel Magnolias
2. I think cheap chocolate is way better than the expensive stuff.
3. At the last wedding I went to, I had at least 10 glasses of champagne.
4. Gilmore Girls is still my favorite show of all time
5. Sitcoms make me happy
6. No matter how many marathons I run, I dont know that I will ever consider myself a true runner
7. I program things to odd numbers--reheating in the microwave, volume number on tv; or radio
8. I am not good with emotions
9. I think pickles go with everything
10. I never wear the color pink
11. I am not one of those people who lives without regrets
12. Baseball is boring
13. Golf is more boring than baseball
14. My husband makes me want to be a better person
15. Long walks are one of the best ways to end a day
16. I dream of returning to Paris almost daily
17. Scary movies give me nightmares
18. If my purse is not completly organized I get stressed out
19. I don't like to sit on couches---I would rather lay on them
20. I look through my closet everyday for things to get rid of
21. I never ever wear bracelets
22. I have fallen off the treadmill more times than I care to remember
23. Music moves me
24. I get depressed without sunshine
25. I am not creative--I call arts and crafts--arts and craps.

Dear Dad

These are the words I would say if I were brave or comfortable enough with emotions to tell them to my Dad.

Dear Dad,

Happy birthday! I love you old man and I have some things to say to you.

First, thank you for being my father. Thank you for loving me when it was hard, and when I didn't deserve love. I was a major turd for so long in my life, and you still loved me, supported me, and cared for me. I remember once in high school I wanted a CD, back before downloadable music even existed, and I didn't have a car or the cash for it. You told me you would get it for me. The next day I walked in the door, picked up the cd, and went to my room without even so much as a hello or a thank you. I don't think I even acknowledged your presence. Like I said, I was a turd for a major portion of my life.

Secondly, thank you for being my cheerleader. When mom and I would fight-which happened a lot for a season of my life, you were the one I would go to. You would sit and talk to me, and listen, and listen without judgment. Again, I don't think I ever said thank you for that.

There is one phrase you have said to me over and over all of my life, and sometimes, when I think about the day that you are no longer here, I wonder what life will be without those words. Do you know what I am talking about? You told me time and time again, "I am proud of you baby." When I scored a winning goal, you said it. When I studied my butt of and still got a C on all those math tests, you said it because you knew how hard I worked. When I graduated high school you said it. When I got my full ride to college, you said it. For so long, for so much of my life, I have done things, to win your approval and to hear that you were proud of me.

Did you know I used to be scared to dissapoint you? I knew that mom would get pissed and she was the enforcer of punishments, but I was so scared to do stuff wrong because I didn't want to see that look of dissapointment in your eyes when you looked at me.

Finally, thank you for working your ass off and taking crap from your bosses for years, for us. We might never have had the nicest cars, the best toys, hottest fashions, but we always had food on the table, gas in the cars, a warm bed to sleep in, and a place to call our own. You gave up your dreams for mom, CJ, and I . Never once in childhood did we say thank you, or "were proud of you." Dad, we are thankful for you and proud of you.

I am proud to call you my father, and I hope you are proud to call me your daughter.

With all my love,
Me.

Hot Mess

I realized something the other day as I was checking out at the grocery store....during check out, I am a hot mess.
Let me replay the checkout from last week.

-place green bags on belt
-place groceries on belt
-my grocery store price matches- so I pull out the ad from an organic grocery store that is just too far away and the clerk has to price match my food.
-opportunity 1 for clerk to get annoyed with me
-as the clerk is bagging, I realize my cold stuff did not get put into the bag I put on the counter that is insulated to keep my groceries cold, so I say something to the clerk and start transferring the goods.
-second opportunity for clerk to get annoyed with me
- i start chatting with clerk. ask about day, how they are doing
-not sure but think this might annoy clerk....third opportunity for clerk to get annoyed with me
-everything has been scanned, and I hand over all my coupons
-fourth opportunity for clerk to get mad at me
-as the clerk scans coupons, I point out when they are scanned for the incorrect amount and ask the clerk to fix it.
-remind the clerk that she did not take off 5c per bag for my green bags---at this point she is ready to spit in my face.
-fifth opportunity for clerk and all the people in line behind me to get annoyed with me
-total pops up on screen
-i whip out my envelope system (holla holla Dave Ramsey!) and pull out my cash and fish around the coin section for the exact change
-sixth opportunity for everyone to get annoyed as I count out my change
-Finally done with check out, i swear i feel clerk and all other grocery shoppers roll their eyes as I walk away.

Yes, I am a hot mess at the check out line, but in my defense, it is really hard to buy mostly organic food, and high quality produce on a tight budget--so I have to pull out all of my tricks.

Animal Spirit

I am active in the bed, seriously, I am an animal. (uh....wait....o, uh were you thinking something nasty....shame on you). I mean sleeping-hello.
I am what is called an "active" sleeper. We have a queen sized bed, which means it is 60 X80. With my sleeping patterns I tend to take up the following dimensions, 59 X75. It is always great for me because I am a good sleeper. I fall to sleep within minutes of my head hitting the pillow, and I rarely wake up in the middle of the night. I have always been a really hard sleeper, and once I am out, it is hard to wake me up. While this is fabulous for me, this is not so wonderful for the hubs, for several reasons.
First, I tend to sleep as an X. I sleep on my stomach with my arms flailing to both sides and my legs are all over the place. And then I move. It is not uncommon for me to wake up with my head falling off the side of the bed, with my legs falling off the other, in an almost horizontal position as opposed to the vertical position I started out.
I noticed the other night that P sleeps on his side with half of his body falling off the bed, while I take up the majority of it. Plus, I run cold, so I tend to be all over him for warmth. Again, this is great for me, but not so great for him, because he runs hot. Apparently at some point in the night, every night, I tend to throw my arm across his chest and my leg on his stomach which restricts his breathing. Whoops, but again, I have no control over this and I get a great night sleep and P, well he manages some how.
There are times that I feel bad about taking up 98% of the bed, but really there is nothing I can really do about it, so I just go on about my night sleeping beautifully.
We want to get a king size bed, but due to living in an apartment right now, our bedroom is too small for that large of a bed. I think the only thing that gets P through the night is him dreaming of a king sized, no a California king sized bed that we will buy someday.

Dreaming

I hate debt--duh. I hate it for so many reasons, but I realized something a few weeks ago that made me hate it even more. Debt robs you of hopes and dreams. It stifles you and makes you believe that things are not possible or achievable.
P and I have been out of debt for a few years now, but one thing we never got back to was dreaming. I didn't realize this until we moved to Dallas, but now, it is like we have given ourselves permission to dream again. Permission to hope and think about the future, about the things that we want to do and see. We have given ourselves permission to think about the future, to dream about what we want out of life, and it feels good.
There is nothing big coming up, but it feels good to just let go of that old and hope for things to come.

For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Jermiaha 29:11

"An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure."