Sunday, October 23, 2011

View from the Top

I work in a high rise office building now. My schedule, life, and office settings are totally different from when I was a teacher.
Now, my desk is near one of our office doors and just outside my office door is the men's restroom.
Being next to the door is probably not a good thing for me, as I watch everyone that walks by. I also watch the comings and goings of the men going into the restroom. The conclusion I have come to just by observation--men are gross and weird.

From my fabulous vantage point, I have observed many things about many men on my floor. For example, one ma goes to the restroom every sing hour on the hour. He will go into the restroom no less than 8 times a day. I chug water all day long--and I don't go 8x a day. Sometimes I wonder if he has bladder issues or a prostate problem. I was not sure so being the inquisitive, ravishing creature that I am, I decided to ask my expert, Dr. Google. The dr. says this man could have diabetes, he could be pregnant, have prostate problems, intestinal cysts, high blood pressure, or bladder cancer. I wonder what he has. Not judging, just curious.

Sometimes there are men who go in the restroom, open the door, and turn around and walk right out. You KNOW somthin' aint right in there for a man to walk away.

Other men use the restroom lest frequently, but choose to stay in a while longer, a lot longer. I once noted that one man was in there for more than 30 minutes. Uhhh, Houston, that is a problem.

It is funny to me when the men don't expect someone else to be in the restroom. They get really surprised and I can see them jump and give a little start when the notice they are not going to be alone. I see them talking to one another, and sometimes someone will hold the door open and talk to the other person in the restroom from the hallway. --Real classy guys. Real classy.

Sometimes, if it is really quite in my office, I can here the toilets flush. It is kind of sick when the toilet flushes and the man stays in in there for a while longer. I have been told this is called a courtesy flush. O my gosh.

There is also a really sweet old man on my floor. If I had to guess, I would say he is in his 80's. He is very sweet, and every time I see him, I make a point to chat with him. The problem is, when he goes into the restroom, he looks into my office to give me a wave. If I don't make eye contact with him, he will stand outside the restroom door and wait until I wave back at him. He is in there a long time in the mornings. Guh...

Finally, there are the men who come to my floor to use the restroom that don't work on my floor. That skeeves me out. What horrible act are they going to do in there that they cannot bear to do within 100 feet of their own office near they own co-workers? Go home then, please.

Yes, I do sit at the precipice of power.

2 comments:

Michelle P said...

My office is next to the mens bathroom also, and guys gross me out after me having to watch and hear them everyday. The other girl I work with has an air freshener that she sprays everytime a certain guy I work with goes to the bathroom (it's that bad).

Denise said...

oh, this was funny. you crack me up with what you blog about. never know with you :) (that is a good thing!)