Friday, June 12, 2009

I'm not who I was

Last week I got a phone call from a friend that I have not talked to in almost 3 years. He was a great friend to me in high school and was a huge blessing. We lost touch while I was in graduate school, I could say it was because I was so busy, but I think it was more intentional than that. I think I chose to remove myself from that friendship because we would often talk about things that happened in high school, and at times didn't want to think about.
To be honest, when I look back at my life, I don't like who I was in high school. I hung out with the popular crowd, but at times felt like an outsider, and I hated that. I was an athlete and I was so busy and did not get close to the "popular girls" that I so longed to be friends with. They were so glossy and beautiful and thin, and while I was athletic, I did not wear make up, and most days my hair was in a pony tail. I was just different, and I think I was not comfortable in my own skin, and was not happy with who I was. So I compensated and I was super snotty and at times unkind to so many people.
And, after my friend called, I just had all of these memories of me being such a brat, and I hate that. But, it was so good to hear from him. It gave me a chance to apologize to him, and ask his forgiveness for being such a jerky friend. He was great and said it was no big deal and it was so great to restore our friendship.
As those memories came back, I would shudder as I remembered things I had done. But, then I remembered that I was made new in Jesus Christ, and while I am not proud of some of my high school days, it is ok, because I am not who I was. He washed me clean and made me new and forgave me, and for that I am humbled and grateful. What I great God that I know, love, and serve. He made me in His image.
So thank you Lord for your mercies, that are new every day.
It feels so good to say that I am not who I was!


Midwest Chick said...

It's great that you can recognize this and are now happy with who you are!

Denise said...

amen sister! thank goodness we are made new every morning : )

Serendipity said...

I look back at high school and cringe. High school is a awkward time for just about anybody but its important to look back and see how far you've come. It seems like you've been doing great :)

Zofie said...

I have the same sentiments about high school. I never felt like I belonged. I was also just a mean person back then. I am so glad that we are able to change and that God grants us people in our lives who forgive us for our shortcomings.