Last night after work I went to the marathon expo to pick up my packet. Being there did not help with the butterflies. I am nervous. I really am. As I walked around the expo center trying different foods, (a yogurt---uhh it was horrible, a beer--it was yummy!) I stopped and looked around and realized, that exactly one year ago, I was in the exact same spot. Wow, life has changed in a year, big time. And, when I think about the future, there will be even more big changes within the next year. (I have a ton to fill yall in on, which includes yet another move in a few months)But, as I slowly walked the isles, I realized that I could smile because I really am not the same person I was 365 days ago, which is a good thing. But, one thing that stayed the same was, my nerves.
I am battling the doubt monster right now. I have been nervous all week. My stomach has been in knots all week. Uhhh. I don't know why I am doubting right now. I have to trust the training. Yes, my training has been a bit different this year as opposed to last year. I cut 2 weeks out of training, simply due to when I started. I have even skipped a few runs, something I would never have done last year, at all. This year, the difference is that I am listening to my body more, and trying to adapt the program to fit my life. If I got home, and my body was just exhausted from the run before, rather than trying to white knuckle my way through it, I would rest, and run the next day. Or, I would run, walk, run, in the early stages to find my rhythm. And the funny thing is, my running has been better. My times have been way faster than last year. My p.r. so far is 20 miles in 3:03. That's the best I have ever done. Plus, I have done 20 miles 3 different times this training season. I have gone for quality miles over quantity miles.
I just keep telling myself, I can do this, I can do this. I am trying to silence that doubt monster once and for all.