Saturday, August 14, 2010

Break Down Here

"I'd sure hate to break down here
theres nothin up ahead or in the rear view mirror,
Out in the middle of nowhere known
I'm in trouble if these wheels stop rollin'
God help me to keep movin some how."
Julie Roberts, singer
That is an old country song that has been stuck in my head for a while. I have had my break down, several of them in fact in the last few weeks. Currently, we are living a nomadic existence waiting for a home. See, we found a place, a new apartment complex closer to my work, so good bye hour+ commute every day, hello 25-30 minutes. I am excited about that. It is just getting into the apartment that is proving to be difficult. We cannot move in until September 8th. So for the past few weeks we have been living out of bags and suitcases at friends houses, and it has been hard for me. One, not having a home, two, it has been hard being on the receiving end of generosity from others, and three, there is so much uncertainty in our lives right now.
P does not have a job right now, and we are living off my salary alone. I got a raise, and so we are covering all of our bills and rent, with a bit left over. At times, the move, the job situation, being separated from P for 2 weeks, it was all just so much. Last week during teacher in service, I just sat in my classroom and sobbed. I mean I cried these big ol' alligator tears. Then the 2nd day P got back, we were sitting there just talking, and again, I just started sobbing. We sat outside in some plastic chairs by the river and he let me cry. He got me a beer, and we just sat and I cried and he listened. He held me, and just listened. He was so kind, patient, and tender, and I think I fell a little more in love with him that afternoon. Being separated from him for 2 weeks was hard on me. I didn't realize how much comfort he brings me. I didn't realize that I needed him as much as I do. I didn't realize that I love him and his presence so much. Just knowing he is in the next room, just sitting next to him on the couch, his presence means so much to me. I didn't realize how much I loved him.

2 comments:

Denise said...

okay, wow! this is so touching. Just goes to show that we often take for granted the ones we love the most. Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder. We have been in your spot (except the living at friends) my husband has been unemployed a few times and I know it is extremely stressful plus, I remember I resented the fact that all the financial pressure was on me. It was just as hard on him though not having a job. Men are hard wired to work. Anyhow. Stay strong and remember Isaiah 40:31!

Brooke said...

*hugs* hopefully yall will be in your own place before you know it.