I Stink

I stink at communication. Really badly. And, whats worse, is I didn't even know how bad I stunk at it.
What is funny about this is, I am a really chatty person. I talk a lot. I am social. But, I really struggle with talking about myself or my feelings. I would rather talk about other people. Statements starting with "I feel..." or "My desire, my wish" I really struggle with that.

I tend to ask a lot of questions--a lot. I am a contextual learner. If I am learning something, I want to know why did this happen, how did it happen, start at the beginning. P can ask me to do something, or get something, and my first question is, why? Why do I need to pick up this from the store. Why do you need me to do this for you. It can come across at times as being defiant, as being stubborn, but I always want to know why are you telling me this, why are you asking me this.
Another thing---I get really uneasy when people ask me questions. It is really weird. I don't like to talk about myself. I don't know if I have always been like this, or if this is new. I honestly have no clue. I think that this is part of the reason I get really nervous about meeting new people. Once I get over the initial nervousness, I am fine, but going into new situations with new people I get nervous. But, its really funny that I get this way because---I AM SO SOCIAL. I just like to be social with my friends that I already know. Its weird.

The whole reason I am writing this post is because P and I had a really long conversation tonight and his response to something I said was "I am glad you finally said that, I just can't believe it has taken 4 years." It was that moment that I realized, I stink at communication.
I have thoughts, and I have opinions, about everything--I just don't tend to voice them, and its weird.
Plus, emotions are really hard for me. I don't cry much, and when I do, I am a disaster. I don't like mushy, I don't like sad, those are emotions that I have (duh) but I don't express them very often--hardly ever. Why? Is this a female thing? Is this a me thing? I like peppy, joyful, happy. That manifests itself is so many areas of my life. The music I like, 90% is upbeat fun music to dance to. The movies I like are funny, upbeat, and positive. The t.v. shows I like are usually sitcoms. The books I gravitate towards are chick lit, that are funny and light.
There is this great quote from the movie Somethings Got to Give. In the movie, Jack Nicholson's character is an older man who casually dates younger women. He ends up falling in love with Diane Keaton, a woman his own age who challenges him in every way. At one point, she asks, "Whats with all the younger girls?" His response, "I just like to travel light."
That line cracks me up, and sometimes, I feel the same way, I just want to travel light. I want to laugh, have fun, and enjoy and celebrate life. I don't think this makes me a hedonist, but sometimes I just like to travel light.
How do you like to travel? (metaphorically, of course)

Uhh..should we be scared???

Calling all Regulators......uh stewardess.....el capitans, we have a problem.

P and I flew home from vacy today. I don't want to call out the airline that we flew home today, but is starts with a D, ends with an A, and there is a large area near the Mississippi River that goes by the same name.

We are sitting there, and I look over and see a piece of the plane hanging on the wall by the thinnest of threads. Seriously. See picture number 2. Humm....

Behind this covering was a "safety line" a threaded rope with a carabiner for the flight attendant to secure to the wing in the even of an accident.

So I sat for 3 hours staring at this. SCARY.

But, we are not done yet---

2nd flight, same airline:

Board the plane, look straight to the wall, and nothing is hanging down, nice.

I sit back, relax, and get ready for the flight.

First, there are some lights that will not turn off, so they power down the plane and they go off, great. Lets fly.

Then, we go to take off, and we are about 3 rows behind the emergency exit in the middle. One we get in the air, there is a really strange sound coming from the emergency exit. The guy sitting next to the door starts looking around kind of nervously.

The people in all the rows around me, start looking at each other. The flight attendants come by, and they don't do or say anything. My heart starts pounding, so I close my eyes, and just pray.

Clearly, we made it back safely, but, not without a few scares.

P and I pretty much made a decision that we are not going to fly with this airline any more if we can help it.

One more day of spring break, then it is back to work. uhhhhhh. I think I could be a full time vacationer, vacationite?

Project 1: The Big Clean Out

The other day I mentioned that while P is away, I have been coming up with a ton of different projects to keep myself busy. Seeing as how we just moved last September, we had a huge clean out then. And, seeing as how we are moving again this June, (yes, another move)I have started another clean out process. Any thing and everything will be evaluated. Books? Worth having or to be donated? Clothing? Does it fit? Does it look good? Do I like it? Decorations? What purpose does it serve? Is there a memory attached? In my book, everything is up for evaluaiton, nothing is safe, nothing. So basically, I am declaring a jhiad on all of our stuff. Plus, last time I did this, P was around to stop me, and argue with me, and convince me to keep things we need, you know, necessities like soap, food, and more than one towel. Moving day at the end of May. Move number 2.5 in a year. (Last May, we moved out of our house, and into temporary housing, August, moved out of temporary housing situation and were homeless for over a month. We stayed at friends homes, relatives houses, and a "hotel"), so now I am a packing fool--boxing up more and more stuff.

View from the Top

Our ski vacay is winding down. Its been a fabulous week, despite all the horrific eating I have been doing. I am not looking forward to what is waiting for me when I get back to work, it will be a long hard week, but I still have 2.5 days left on this break, and I am going to soak in every last minute.

How to

How to make your stomach hurt at midnight---eat white powdered donuts every time you enter the house

How to feel full all day---don't stop eating when you are in the house

How to feel sluggish and tired--- don't eat any veggies for 4 days straight

How to feel so full, you want to pass out--go for seconds on every single meal, even if you are not hungry at all

How to put on weight, while skiing 8 hours a day on vacay---eat continuiously when not skiing.

As you can see, this has been a fab vacation so far, it really has. I have not so much fallen off the healthy eating band wagon, as I have thrown myself off into a sea of white powdered donuts, that I inhale by the bag full.

I was up last night with the worst stomach pains ever. It was horrible. I need to stop with the junk foods ASAP! Can someone please pass me a carrot, or some cabbage? Please?

Swoosh, swoosh, swooh

Vacay!!!
In T-3 days I will be on Spring Break.
P and I are headed up to Maine with some friends to go skiing. This is a much anticipated, and much needed vacation. Life has been hard. We have been apart for 2.5 months now. I have been working crazy long hours, and going out of town, almost every weekend.
I am so ready, I am already dreaming of snow.