I stink at communication. Really badly. And, whats worse, is I didn't even know how bad I stunk at it.
What is funny about this is, I am a really chatty person. I talk a lot. I am social. But, I really struggle with talking about myself or my feelings. I would rather talk about other people. Statements starting with "I feel..." or "My desire, my wish" I really struggle with that.
I tend to ask a lot of questions--a lot. I am a contextual learner. If I am learning something, I want to know why did this happen, how did it happen, start at the beginning. P can ask me to do something, or get something, and my first question is, why? Why do I need to pick up this from the store. Why do you need me to do this for you. It can come across at times as being defiant, as being stubborn, but I always want to know why are you telling me this, why are you asking me this.
Another thing---I get really uneasy when people ask me questions. It is really weird. I don't like to talk about myself. I don't know if I have always been like this, or if this is new. I honestly have no clue. I think that this is part of the reason I get really nervous about meeting new people. Once I get over the initial nervousness, I am fine, but going into new situations with new people I get nervous. But, its really funny that I get this way because---I AM SO SOCIAL. I just like to be social with my friends that I already know. Its weird.
The whole reason I am writing this post is because P and I had a really long conversation tonight and his response to something I said was "I am glad you finally said that, I just can't believe it has taken 4 years." It was that moment that I realized, I stink at communication.
I have thoughts, and I have opinions, about everything--I just don't tend to voice them, and its weird.
Plus, emotions are really hard for me. I don't cry much, and when I do, I am a disaster. I don't like mushy, I don't like sad, those are emotions that I have (duh) but I don't express them very often--hardly ever. Why? Is this a female thing? Is this a me thing? I like peppy, joyful, happy. That manifests itself is so many areas of my life. The music I like, 90% is upbeat fun music to dance to. The movies I like are funny, upbeat, and positive. The t.v. shows I like are usually sitcoms. The books I gravitate towards are chick lit, that are funny and light.
There is this great quote from the movie Somethings Got to Give. In the movie, Jack Nicholson's character is an older man who casually dates younger women. He ends up falling in love with Diane Keaton, a woman his own age who challenges him in every way. At one point, she asks, "Whats with all the younger girls?" His response, "I just like to travel light."
That line cracks me up, and sometimes, I feel the same way, I just want to travel light. I want to laugh, have fun, and enjoy and celebrate life. I don't think this makes me a hedonist, but sometimes I just like to travel light.
How do you like to travel? (metaphorically, of course)