The older I get, the more I realize that my outlook is very much black or white. I don't see grey, I tend to see right or wrong, yes or no. I like it or I don't. It is pretty simple. And, I like rules. I like knowing what I can or cannot do, and how to do something. I am very type A, perhaps with a little OCD sprinkled in there. Not anything diagnosed, just a simple observation from family and friends.
Sometimes, I wish I was not so rules oriented. I wish that it was easier for me to go with the flow, relax, and be ok with stepping out of bounds. But, most of the time, I'm not. I feel at times being this way makes me a bit of a fun sucker, but I am so much more comfortable staying inside the lines.
Even the way I dress is type A. I really like flowy skirts, and tops, and I have a few and they look good. But, I am most comfortable in a pencil or A line skirt with a button up, or structured shirt or a suit for work. I really like business suits, I think they look classic and professional which is how I like to dress most days. But, every so often I want to be that free spirit, that person who throws caution to the wind, and kiss my rules goodbye.
I bring this up because of a "tiff", yes a "tiff" that P and I had last night. (We when 1st got married I said we don't have fights, we have tiffs, and the word made him laugh, so it just kind of stuck.) The "tiff" started over a Dave Ramsey free spirit vs nerd issue. I am obviously the nerd of the family and I like to do the budget and keep the bills and receipts. Anyways, back to the tiff. Last night P asked if I had time to go to the store today because we were out of quiet a few things, and my first knee jerk reaction was NO. We are on the Dave Ramsey envelope system and we have spent all of our food budget for the month, so we cannot shop until next month. P looked at me and said, it is one day, it wont be that big of a difference. But to me, it was a huge deal because the 1st of the month does not start for another 24 hours.
After I sat back and looked at the situation, I realize that yes I can go to the grocery store today and no it is not a big deal. But in my mind, it was. I knew we were out of things, but I convinced myself that we could not budge in the slightest. And that is my mindset for a lot of things, most things actually.
And I think that is why God blessed me with my husband, P. He helps me to relax and live a little. He shows me that it is ok to go outside the lines a little bit, yet he understands my need for rules and boundaries.
But, some days, I want to be a free spirited hippy who skips work, does not clean the house, do the laundry, or organize anything. And then, I look around and start tiding up.