I don't get it.

Sometimes, as a runner, I just want to say “What the hell.” Seriously.  You other runners out there, please tell me you know what I mean.

I don’t understand how Saturday morning, I set out to do some speed work, with 5 miles on the docket. I was aiming to hit 8:15’s and under, that didn’t happen. I was hitting 9:00, and it felt like I was running through mud. It was one of those runs where you have run ½ a mile, but it feels like you have already been out there for 3 miles. I was miserable. I kept telling myself to just get through it. Just push. This is whats called a character building run.

I finished, it was not pretty, and I wanted to kick character in the trash. Saturday’s run was one of those that really hurt your confidence, and make you doubt what you are doing. I went through the whole process after wards of questioning my ability and desire to run.

Sunday I did a long slow recovery run. Although, given Saturday’s disaster, I am not sure what I was recovering from. But, I went out did about 7 gloriously slow miles. I was out really early and had plenty of bikers and runners on the road to keep me company.

Then, Monday’s run. I didn’t run Monday morning, so I had to hit the road Monday afternoon. I grabbed some water, did my I have to pee 26 thousand times before I started running,  and then I stepped outside at 5:30 and it was HOT. Triple digits hot. Stuipd hot. High humidity hot. I walked a quarter mile for a warm up, and was drenched. I did not have high hopes for this run. Because I am trying to PR in the 5K distance this summer, I only had 3 miles on tap. I told myself just get through the miles because they are going to be hot, and really hard.

Before I knew it, I breezed through the 1^st mile, and I managed to bang it out in 7:30. That 7:30 felt like I was running a 9:00 minute mile. I felt comfortable and in control, I didn’t feel as if I was exerting myself too hard. It felt comfortable. Of course, I saw this, smiled for a second, freaked, and forced myself to slow down, because I’m all mental like that. For some reason, I fear the 7:00’s.

I need to stop running by my watch all the time, and judge my runs by how my body feels, and my exertion levels.

And this is where the “WHAT THE HELL??????” comes into play? How is it that one run can be so hard, and mentally destructive, and the next run is gloriously fun? Running is an evil seductress who toys with our hearts and emotions.  She is horrible to us, treats us badly, and right when we turn away and are willing to throw in the towel, she offers us a treat, a taste of goodness, and we fall right back into her trap.

Of course, now I am psyched to do some speed work this afternoon. 2 miles warm up, 9-200’s, 2 mile cool down.

How have your run’s been lately? Good, bad, blah? How do you over come mental battles?