Friday Confession

Good Friday my peeps. Its time to confess our sins and let the world know all the bad stuff we have done this week.

Without further delay, here we go.

1.I cannot remember the last time I washed my hair. This is nothing new, but still, I need to wash it more. I am glad to note I am not the only one. (Looking at you Leslie!)

2. I refuse to have a t.v. in our bedroom. But I have no problem watching The Office on our ipad in bed. P asks me the different, and I just tell him its different, and to drop it.

3. P came home, and thought someone was in the house with me. I was alone, but I talk to the dogs, and ask them questions, and apparently, pause and wait, as if they are really going to respond with an answer.

4. I went to Target 5 times on Wednesday. I took the day off as a mental health day, and spent my entire day cleaning and organizing the house. I kept purchasing home organizing and decor items, and returning what I didn't like.  By the last trip, the girl at the service desk pretty much had my debit card number memorized.

Fess up my friends.

I'm so sick of these jackholes

Frustration. Annoyance. Disappointment. Anger.  Rage. Fed up.

All of these words describe how I feel about 99.9% of the American government right now. I am sick and tired of the petty bickering, political posturing, and flat out lying that I see every single day from our elected officials.

If I have to hear one more left leaning liberal politician dodge responsibility for themselves, I may scream. If I hear one more right wing conservative whining, I may punch the t.v.

I have been consuming too much news the past few weeks, and I realized, I need a time out from the 24 hour news cycle that I am constantly listening, watching, and reading.  I have had my limit for right now.

Obamacare, sequester, filibuster, Syria, Recession, government spying, drones, or Debt Ceiling. Take your pick, its all bad. Democrat, Republican, Senator, President, Congress woman, as far as I am concerned,  they are ALL doing a terrible job, and they ALL need to be removed from office. If I functioned at work the way our government functions on a daily basis, I would be out of job and on the streets.

Something happens to our elected officials when they enter DC airspace. Its as if, they suddenly lose their minds, and forget who put them in office, and what we expect them to do. They become more concerned with keeping their jobs, saving face, and boosting their ego, that they are willing to take our country to the brink of disaster.

I am too much of a libertarian to trust the government.  I want fewer laws and more freedom. I don't want to be forced into things, I want to voluntarily do them. I don't do anything illegal other than speeding occassionally, and I don't want big brother aka the federal government listening to my phone calls.

I am sick and tired of paying taxes, just to see the money wasted. I am sick of sending money to countries who burn our flags, curse our country, and hang effigies of our presidents. I am sick and tired of sending money to anywhere else in the world, while we continue to rack up debt at a frightening pace here at home. I am sick and tired of a government forcing us to play by the rules they set, yet exempting themselves from those same rules. 

Normally, I can stomach quite a bit when it comes to our government, but right now, I am so frustrated by what I see and hear from these people.  What is so frustrating to me, is that, they fail to recognize, their actions, or inactions have real consequences. They really do affect people. Its getting to the point where, I feel as if I have to safe guard myself from my government. This body, this entity was created by the people, for the people, and that seems to be a forgotten notion.

I am stepping off my soapbox now. Someone, please tell something good thats happening for you!!

Running on Angry.....or pure frustration

You may have noticed the running talk has been pretty slim these past few weeks. Thats because, the running has been, pretty slim in these parts.

Basically, my stupid whore foot was giving me some major problems. I went back to the podiatrist, a different one this time, and she looked, we talked, she did some things to me that hurt so badly that I wanted to call her some names that rhymed with itch, stitch, and witch. But, whore foot is still around, and still hurting, but in a different way. The course of action we are taking this time is a bit...different, I will spare you the deets. It hurts, its painful, but I'm willing to try anything to get rid of this thing.

It still hurts all the time, but its a different kind of hurt right now, and I am really not sure how to describe it. Its just so frustrating that this is on the ball of my foot, so EVERY TIME I TAKE A STEP, it hurts. No matter if I am running or walking, it hurts.

Lately, I have been running less, and cross training more. Doing the elliptical hurts, so I have been riding my bike more, and walking more, and doing more pure barre b/c it seems that I can tolerate that better than the pounding that comes from running.

This afternoon, I was annoyed with my foot, frustrated with work, and wanted to get my sweat on, so I laced up, not expecting much, and hit the road. I worked out this morning, so I told myself just get through 3 miles. It hurts, I am going to be in pain, but just press on and finish, no matter the time.

I feel out of shape right now. Because I have not been running much, I know my fitness is not where I want it to be.

Mile 1: Start out fast, but thats normal, and kept running, and zig zagging around the area, and when I looked down at my watch, I was hovering in the 7:00's. I have not hit 7:00's in quite some time.

Rather than tell you, I'm just going to show you.

Ahh yes, beautiful cheap laminate floors that are covered in dog hair. Ignore that and look at the watch.

Boom. 

I have no clue where that came from. I ran the same 3 miles last week, and I ran it in 27:00 minutes. I got home, nearly heaved my brains out, and stood outside in shock. I highly doubt I could do it again, at this moment, but I will take it.

I feel like running is a lot like life. When we enter into situations with expectations, and they are not met, we beat ourselves up, blame our circumstances, and walk away bitter. But, when we are open, relaxed, and free ourselves from some preconceived notion, we may just be surprised what is in store for us. 

So many times when I start my run, and I don't hit my time on the first mile, I get discouraged, and stop pushing. I stop trying to do better, and I automatically accept defeat, accept failure, and allow myself to swim in the sea of mediocracy. I allow myself to be slightly better than average, rather than sucking it up, pushing through the pain to make myself better. The line between good and great hurts, and to get past that line takes dedication, motivation, and desire. 

In the end, it felt good to push myself. To breath heavily, to sweat buckets, to push through the pain, and realize, I am made to do things that are hard. I am made to conquer. I am made to be strong. 

Show me your strength. How how you pushed yourself physically/mentally/spiritually/emotionally lately?  

Loner

Sometimes I wonder if P sauce and I are antisocial, or if we are just loners.

Can you be a loner without being lonely? Can you enjoy people but need time away, time for quite, time for peace, time for just being?

Often, when we have a social obligation with friends, I find that I dread it. I don't look forward to it, and I start fixating on all the things I would rather be doing. Once I get to the party, lunch, or event, I usually have a great time, but its the dreading that I question. Its the longing to be alone, at my home that often makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me.

I have a friend who says she has social anxiety, but in reverse. She becomes anxious if she knows people are doing something fun without her, and cannot stand to be away from the group.

I find that exhausting.

I always want to be around P, thats a given. But, I get such joy by being at home. Piddling around the house, doing laundry, watching football, listening to music, cleaning, organizing my stockpile, blogging, or reading; these are things that I like to do, and want to do more of.

We have never been ones to eat an fancy restaurants, or go to bars and clubs. We live a very simple life, a life that others may view as boring, but to me, I consider quaint.

Thomas Jefferson once said" I would rather be shut up in a very modest cottage with my books, my family, and a few old friends, dining on simple bacon, and letting the world roll on as it liked, than to occupy the most splendid post which any human power can give."

I completely agree with him. I rarely have the urge to go out, I almost always have the urge to stay in.

But then again, he is a man who became president, and the man who said, "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."

So, I don't know how reliable a source ol' Tommy boy is.

I have always been the type to have a few really close relationships with a small group, and several acquaintance, rather than have a large group of friends. I find comfort in the small intimate groups, where relationships grow deep, and have long histories. I find humor in the old inside jokes, and telling of stories.

Is one better or worse, I don't know. I do know that I find strength, joy, and energy from stillness, simpleness, and silence. I find comfort in being in my home surrounded by my things. I am energized by a good book, or a brilliant blog post.

It seems to me that I need to be at peace with who I am and how I was made.

Peace seeker, or party goer? Which are you?

Friday Confessions

1. Someone gave me a business card. My hands were full, so I put it in my bra.

2. I microwaved cookie dough from work for lunch.

3. I had a meeting off site at work. Rather than head straight back, I did a little shopping I stead.

Fess up peeps

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It's all relative

Hello out there in bloggy land! I have been a terrible blogger I know. Perhaps its the late summer blues, perhaps its that I have been super busy with life and work, which is the lamest excuse ever, I know. But, I'm pretty lame like that. Or perhaps its that I am just plain lazy. (It's probably the latter)

For some of you, fall is here, and you are eating your pumpkin pancakes, drinking pumpkin lattes, and pulling out your tall boots and scarves. Yea, I don't really like you that much any more. Even though its cool where y'all are, its still HOT as heck down here in Texas. I have pretty much abandon the idea of wearing pants until we are no longer in the triple digits. For the record, this was the temperature when I was driving the other day. Yes, I was at a stop light when I took the photo, and yes, I just changed my oil--look at that 100% oil life. Yep, you read that right 107.

Surprisingly enough, there is a big difference when its 107 outside and only 100. Today we topped off near 100 degrees, and I actually told my assistant, "Wow, its kind of cool outside." Thats when I realized that these hot summer days have officially fried my brain.

Below is a picture of a candle. It sat in the house all day, and when I got home, it had actually started to melt because its so hot. Thats all I have to say about that.

Summer is over for some of you, while for the rest of us, we are still tanning and walking on the surface of the sun. NBD, because when y'all are under 100 feet of snow, we will be be wearing shorts on Christmas day. While some dream of a white Christmas, I dream of Christmas in tank tops and flip flops, but its mostly because I have never experienced a white Christmas.

So take your photos of you bundled up, sipping hot chocolate, walking through the colored leaves of fall. I will just stick my tongue out at you and show you photos of heat waves that I see every afternoon. 

Hows the weather where you are? Global warming changing the climate up there? 

Friday Confessions

Happy Friday friends. Here are my weekly confessions.

 

1. I have worn the same socks every day this week to work out.

2. We're doing a strict healthy eating challenge. p cheated, and I got mad at him for not bringing me a cheat food.

3. I walked my dog at night and lingered for way to long in front of the homes that had their windows open.

4. I've not made plans with friends....because football is on.

Fess up peeps!

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Bison

This past year, P and I have been eating according to Paleo guidelines probably 80% of the time. Its been just this past year that we have discovered how good Bison meat is. 

While not the cheapest protein we buy, we often justify the cost based upon nutritional value.  We have found this to be a delicious protein. 

Lately, we have been browning the meat, adding onion, garlic, and a bit of cayenne  pepper, served over mashed sweet potatoes with a side salad. We have eaten this meal twice this week already. Its quick, easy, and good for us. 

A few months ago, we really began to make an effort at meal planning, and increasing our vegetable, nut, and fruit intake, while decreasing the volume of protein in order to stretch our grocery dollars a bit more. For 3 weeks out of the month, we try to keep our grocery spending as minimal as possible, so that on the last weekend of the month, we get to shop at Central Market, the fancy grocery store. They have a HUGE butcher case, with nothing but high quality meats. Everything is organic or free range, and the butchers are helpful, knowledgable, patient, and giving. One week, we were given 4 links of chicken sausage for free because we were asking questions, and the female butcher wanted us to try the sausage without having to pay for it. 

Have you found an new proteins worth trying? What is your grocery shopping strategy?

While searching online I found this chart at buffalohillsbisonmeat.com

NUTRITIONAL COMPARISON Per 100 GRAM SERVING – COOKED MEAT
SPECIES	FATGRAMS	CALORIESKCAL	CHOLESTEROLMG	IRONMG	VITAMIN B-12MCG
Bison:	2.42	143	82	3.42	2.86
Beef (choice):	10.15	219	86	2.99	2.65
Beef (Select):	8.09	201	86	2.99	2.64
Pork:	9.66	212	86	1.1	0.75
Chicken (Skinless):	7.41	190	89	1.21	0.33
Sockeye Salmon:	10.97	216	87	0.55	5.80

Friday Confessions

1.i think I'm wearing the exact same outfit to work today that I wore earlier this week.

2. I used mouthwash, but somehow forgot to brush my teeth yesterday.

3. I can't remember the last time I brushed my hair with something other than my fingers.

4. I ran 2 yellow lights already today.

 

Fess up peeps.

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Finding Silence

Sometimes, I crave quiet. I crave solitude, silence. Yet, so often its so hard to find.

So much of my day is bombarded with noise. The computer, the radio, the clicking of the keyboard, the ringing of phones, the hum of the engines, the voices in the office.

Silence is so simple, yet so fleeting, so hard to find.

The problem with all of this sound, is that it drowns out the soft whispers speaking truth. It drowns out my inner voice, my instinct, my soul. It is so easy to give into the sound, to go numb, to ignore the gentle sounds of our own voice.

This week, I am going to consciously seek out silence. I need to tap into that inner sanctum that I often ignore, that I allow the external to overwhelm.

I hope you find silence this week, a chance to listen to yourself, to hear your own voice, to reconnect with your own soul.