Saturday, September 21, 2013


Sometimes I wonder if P sauce and I are antisocial, or if we are just loners.

Can you be a loner without being lonely? Can you enjoy people but need time away, time for quite, time for peace, time for just being?

Often, when we have a social obligation with friends, I find that I dread it. I don't look forward to it, and I start fixating on all the things I would rather be doing. Once I get to the party, lunch, or event, I usually have a great time, but its the dreading that I question. Its the longing to be alone, at my home that often makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me.

I have a friend who says she has social anxiety, but in reverse. She becomes anxious if she knows people are doing something fun without her, and cannot stand to be away from the group.

I find that exhausting.

I always want to be around P, thats a given. But, I get such joy by being at home. Piddling around the house, doing laundry, watching football, listening to music, cleaning, organizing my stockpile, blogging, or reading; these are things that I like to do, and want to do more of.

We have never been ones to eat an fancy restaurants, or go to bars and clubs. We live a very simple life, a life that others may view as boring, but to me, I consider quaint.

Thomas Jefferson once said" I would rather be shut up in a very modest cottage with my books, my family, and a few old friends, dining on simple bacon, and letting the world roll on as it liked, than to occupy the most splendid post which any human power can give."

I completely agree with him. I rarely have the urge to go out, I almost always have the urge to stay in.

But then again, he is a man who became president, and the man who said, "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."

So, I don't know how reliable a source ol' Tommy boy is.

I have always been the type to have a few really close relationships with a small group, and several acquaintance, rather than have a large group of friends. I find comfort in the small intimate groups, where relationships grow deep, and have long histories. I find humor in the old inside jokes, and telling of stories.

Is one better or worse, I don't know. I do know that I find strength, joy, and energy from stillness, simpleness, and silence. I find comfort in being in my home surrounded by my things. I am energized by a good book, or a brilliant blog post.

It seems to me that I need to be at peace with who I am and how I was made.

Peace seeker, or party goer? Which are you?


lesley: the dream tree said...

i am just the same. always dreading a social occasion because i'd rather be home, even cleaning. sometimes i do cancel and then feel guilty.
i think it's all part of being an introvert. i (and you) are totally ok with doing things alone or at home and you're right that people think it's boring.
ah, i do wish we lived closer. we would be good friends, i know!

Denise said...

seriously, I could have wrote this myself! I LOVE being home,avoid parties like crazy and can't even fathom eating out as much as I see others do.

are you not at peace with who you are? I'm so completely okay with it - and it makes my hubbie happy too that I am not always wanting to be out especially in awkward social situations (parties where you don't know anyone except maybe the host are the worst!)

Brooke said...

i'm both. I love being social, but there are times I just need solitude.

Rachelle said...

I prefer to be home and like you mentioned, I sometimes wondered if there was something wrong with me. I'm not antisocial, I just prefer my favorite comfy tee shirt and a movie in with the family.If that makes me boring then I'm good with it!

Holly @ Run With Holly said...

Nothing wrong with it at all! I spent college feeling guilty that I had no interest in parties, until one day I realized that it didn't matter. If I didn't care if I went, then why should anyone else? I took a Saturday night babysitting job, and that was that.

Nowadays, I don't mind being around people - but definitely need some 'alone time/space' to recharge. I think that what is most important is that you recognize what you need to stay happy, centered, and calm - then do what you must to make those conditions a reality. :)

One Family said...

I'm also most definitely a peace seeker. I too, dread or avoid social gatherings, but find they are fine and enjoyable once I get there. I would much rather spend my time at home, doing just the same things you enjoy.