Monday, May 25, 2009


I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;'
Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
Alfred Lord Tennyson

I don't know if I agree with this saying. I don't like change, and I don't like endings. I like the beginning of books and movies, or of trips and adventures. I get nervous when I am confronted with new things, but I do like it. I like to watch people and see how they behave in their situation. I like meeting new people and getting to know others for the first time. But, in order to do these new things, inevitably, something must come to an end, and that is what I don't like. I hate the fact that when I walk away from a situation, things are going to change. I know that life is about change and it is constantly changing, but I don't like it. I am still reeling from us giving up the dog, and sometimes I just stop and think to myself this is ridiculous, it is a dog, it is not a big deal. But, for some reason, it is to me. I don't like feeling like this, I don't like feeling sad or blue. And, I think that is why I hold many people at an arms length. I keep people at a distance because it protects me. It keeps me from feeling like this. So like I said, I don't know if I agree with that quote. At times, I think that I would rather just hide behind the walls that I have built up so that way I never have to feel pain or sadness.

I know that this post and my last post have been about me being sad, and I am sorry for that. Please know that I am generally not a "negative Nelly" or a "Sad Sam," usually, I am just the opposite. So I just want to apologize for my blue tone, I will change that. Whining and crying and sadness is not my bag.
Thanks for understanding.


Anonymous said...

I know what you mean. I am the same way; it's hard to say goodbye or to give up things that are meaningful to us. I've lost both parents, buried a childhood cat and gave up a lifelong dream. It's OK to feel sad, it'll get better with time.

Denise said...

I think we are expected to ALWAYS be happy and upbeat. Yet, when we experience loss it hurts. In general society does not really allow us to grieve (get well, be better soon, cheer up). I think you should just allow yourself to be sad for a few more days if you need it.

Simplelivin' said...

Don't apologize, this is your blog and you can say what you like. Everyone has times where they feel down, but you will get through it.

Are you guys considering getting another dog with less health issues?