Friday Confessions

In honor of being at my parents house this week, I decided that this week's confessions would be retro, blast from the past, the musings of my yester-years. Basically, here is some of the crap I did in high school that was stupid.

1.The mailbox ended up under my car as I backed out the drive way once.
2. I closed my eyes while driving over a bridge in drivers ed because I got scared.
3. I failed math one 6 weeks my sophmore year.
4. I wore a short skirt to school most Fridays, and told my teacher/soccer coach that I was sent home for my skirt being too short in order to miss his weekly quizzes.
5. When I couldnt sleep I would go stand next to my parents bed and make sure they were still breathing. (It was supposed to be loving, but came off creepy)

Ok, fess up, what are some of your confessions from yester-year?

Needing Normalcy

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. Ours was Awesome!

We had a ton of fun, spent lots of time with family, and ate great food.

We arrived back home to find our fridge in a pretty bare state. There is bread, eggs, an onion, some old jalapenos, and butter. Yummy! Needless to say, we don't have much food, and I need to hit the store soon.

While at the store I am only going to be loading up on fruits, grains, and veggies. I need to detox from all the food I ate. Basically, I spent the last few days opening presents in between moments of ecstasy with some M&M's. I was pretty hard core, pouring handful after handful into my mouth for 4 days straight. I went in single handidly, I double fisted it, and then I poured the container into my mouth, classy I know. My mom figures I went through 3 large family size bags of M&M's this week. Uhh, Houston, I have a problem.

When I took a break from the M&M's, I hit up my grandmas chocolate cake hard core also. I ate 50% of a chocolate cake, while the rest of the family shared the other half. I promise, I am not exaggerating.

Starting tomorrow, I am getting back on the wagon, and returning to my normal eating patterns.

Like any good addict, it felt great in the moment, but once I stopped binging for about 5 minutes, I felt guilty, sad, and embarrassed at my consumption. My running felt like crap because I was fueled by crap.

Will I ever learn?

20 going on 13

I hope that yall have been having a great Christmas. Ours has been full of family, food, fun, and lots of laughter, just what a holiday should be. Being back at my childhood home in Houston, I realized that I have somehow managed to revert from being a 20 somthing female into a 13 year old male. Heres how

1.I wake to find my mom making my breakfast each morning.
2. My personal hygene has been questionable at best.
3. When I have actually showered, its been with Old Spice.
4. I don't recall brushing my teeth today.
5. I don't recall putting on deodrant the past 2 days.
6. Clearly, I am mal odorous
7. I have been eating non stop.
8. I have not changed out of sweats in the past 36 hours.
9. I have been farting and scratching openly.
10. When the opportunity arrises, I "probe" my mom, even as her head is in the oven checking our Christmas meal.

Friday Confessions

Here are my weekly confessions:

1. We are so out of food that I ate carrots dipped in Ragu for flavor.
2. Hygenically, I currently have more in common with a 13 year old boy than a 20 something female.
3. Today my diet has consisted of fistful of m&m's, salad, an orange, followed by 2 more m&m binges.
4. I am embarrased to admit that I have not washed my hair in 5 days, again.
5. Most of my panties have holes of some kind in them because they are so old.
Fess up, what have you done wrong this week?

Angelo

I shop at Walmart from time to time. It is really close, it is a one stop shop, it is cheap, and I leave there feeling pretty good about myself (as compared to most others there), but pretty ashamed to be an American.

Everyone has an opinion about Walmart, some good, others bad.
While at Walmart, I have observed many different things:
-Rich and poor shop at Walmart
-There are a lot of rude people at Walmart, employees and customers alike.
-I have seen a couple attempt to steal a t.v.
-I I have seen a woman put her basket in a very long checkout line and walk away to continue shopping, and come back with a handful of goods.
-I have heard some curse words that I did not know could be put together.
-I have seen open packages laying on the shelf--clearly someone didn't feel like paying for that Snickers bar.
-I have seen a box of condoms placed in the freeze section
-I have been paid to shop there--my coupons were more than my total and I got money back--that was awesome!
-They price match!
-I have gotten mad when I have seen others use food stamps then get into a nicer car than I have.

Through it all, I have seen some crazy things at Walmart. Clearly, some things have been pretty bad, but there are 2 things that inspire me:
-The Greeters and -Angelo
The greeters are usually elderly men and women, or they are the mentally ill. I usually make a point to stop and talk to them. I think it is Awesome that Walmart will give them a job.
The greatest thing I have seen at Walmart this year is Angelo. When I shop there, I look to see if he is working at a register, and I usually try to get into his line. I don't know much about him other than what I have observed, but I like him a lot.
Here is what I have observed about Angelo
-He is probably in his mid 50's
-He is probably an immigrant from Middle Eastern descent
-He has a mustache
-None of that really matters. The reason that I like to have him check out my groceries is because of his work ethic
-He is kind and respectful to everyone
-He always has a smile
-He does not work or act like he is "just" a cashier
-He takes pride in his job
-He talk to everyone
-He has a neat and tidy appearance
-He does his best every time.

His work ethic is 100% better than 99% of the other employees that I have encountered. He works like he is happy to have the opportunity to have a job, rather than act like he is too good for his job.
One of the best lessons that I learned as a child was to view each job as an opportunity, and to never think I was too good to do any job. I have worked as a hostess, a nanny, and a hotel maid, but I did all of them with pride.

Angelo's attitude and work ethic some something that we need a lot more of here in America.

Friday Confessions

Here are my confessions from this week:

1. I ate 57 almonds one day--and yes I counted.
2. We have 1 Christmas decoration up and I already tried to get rid of it, but P would not let me banish it from our house.--Bah hum bug
3. I've been having some allergy issues- and I picked my nose while driving without shame.
4. Sometimes I fake turning the tension up on my bike during spinning; and I make facial expressions like it is really hard.
5. I fear that I have made my family Words With Friends monsters.

Fess up everyone---what are your weekly confessions?

A Quote and some updates

-It is only Tuesday, but P and I have tomorrow off to hang out and do some Christmas shopping. I plan/hope to get everything done in 1 day!
-We have currently purchased 2 presents. Yep, just 2.
-We went to the store last night and used 1 coupon for .55 cents off my organic carrots--Watch out TLC Extreme Coupons, I'm comin' for ya.
-The weather stinks around here, I need the SUN!

Finally, I was listening to a local radio show and they were discussing the new book 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the wisest Americans by Karl Pillemer, Ph. D.
The quote that stuck out to me the most was in regards to marriage. He said in his research, while interviewing those who have been married for at least 30 years had this piece of advise:

"When you begin to keep score, you are in trouble. Sometimes it is 90%-10%. Sometimes you are the 90%, sometimes you are the 10%."
So true. So very true. I know that in our marriage, I am guilty of this all the time. If I clean the kitchen, I think about it, because, I am a score keeper, and for that I have to say I am sorry to my husband. I don't ever take into account all that he does. I always remember when I am the 90%, but I never like to recognize when I am the 10%.
Thanks for loving me even when I am 10% or less P.

A Restorative Run

Last week, I was off as far as my running was concerned. I ran four times last week, and each time, each run felt like a battle. They were hard, uninspired, unimpressive, and frustrating. Whenever I have a few bad runs in a row, I always start to question my running and doubt myself, which continued to lead to more and more bad runs.
I downloaded new music, and that didn't help. I ran outside and it was terrible. I ran on the treadmill and hated every second of it. I tried a speed work out, and felt terrible the whole time. I went to a few spinning classes and they were great, but my running suffered and I hated it. Every time I started to feel tired, to feel pain, or even started breathing hard, I would just quit. I stopped pushing myself and gave into the doubt and listened to that doubtful voice in my head that said I would never be able to do it.
On Saturday, I decided to go out and just run. I had no pace goal. I left my Garmin at home, and I decided to just run. I wanted to run to feel good, I wanted to run to lose myself in my thoughts. I wanted to run to not think about running. I wanted to enjoy myself and let go of the doubt monster. And I did. I ran some hills, some pretty hard hills, and they hurt, but I did it. There were points where I was tired and wanted to quit, but I powered through and did it. It is funny how one good run could give me my confidence back. I needed that run on Saturday. It helped me gain my confidence back and brought back my swagger.
One thing I realized was that I ran two marathons without the help of my Garmin watch, and I did just fine. While I like running with the watch, when I wear it, I look at it obsessively and worry about pace and negative splits. I think I need to go out without the watch some days and just run for the pleasure of it.

Friday Confessions

Here are my weekly confessions:

1. I didn't pick up my dog's poo 2 times again this week. Ok, it was really 3 times.
2. I killed 3 plants by leaving them outside uncovered in 20 degree weather.
3. I ate so much Panera bread at an office event that I made myself ill.
What are your weekly confessions? Fess up ladies.

Editor's note: P told me that last week my confessions were weak. I told him, I don't make this stuff up, this is the stuff that I do that I usually feel really guilty about. Some weeks, I am just better than others.

Quotable

Here are some quotes from our house this weekend.

I am sorry for being such a bitch. (her)

Where is that new hair brush we got you? (Him)

Have you brushed your hair today? (Him)

Would you like me to brush your hair for you? (Him)

Now that we got you that fancy toothbrush, you don't get to get in bed without brushing your teeth (Her)

Go shower, you stink(Him)

It does us good to have some time apart (Him)

Would a rose by any other name smell as sweet? (Her)

I am so tired of the rain (Her)

It has only been raining for one day (Him)

This is my 3rd trip to Target this weekend (Her)

It is silver

About 3 weeks ago we bought this (its a Honda Pilot)

We paid for the car in full using something alot like this...............................

Friday Confessions

Here are my Friday Confessions:


1. I have eaten asparagus several times this week--it is having some unfortunate side effects.
2. P and I fought this week and gave each other the silent treatment. I broke first, that never happens.
3. We bought a box of cereal on Sunday, I threw the empty box away on Tuesday. P had 1 handful of cereal.
4. I may have eaten some M&M's that I pulled out of my trash can at work.

Fess up chickas--what have you done this week.

She lied

I just spent the weekend with my parents, and it was so much fun to see them and spend time with them. But being around my mom made me remember all of the lies she told me as a child.

1. Eating anywhere in the bathroom will give you Heptitis B.
2. When I found out about all the staring children in Africa, I asked my mom every single night to mail any left overs to Africa. She told me she would.
3. Eating chicken will make your boobs bigger.
4. If you don't drink after 6pm you wont pee in the bed.
5. If you keep making ugly faces your face will freeze like that.
6. That she had eyes in the back of her head. I knew she was lying, but somehow she always knew what I was doing.

Despite her many many fibs, she was and is a pretty fabulous mom.
Did you parents ever tell you any lies?

Bragging!

Yes, the photo is dark, and not great, it was taken on the husbands iphone.
I don't really talk about it much here on the blog, but I am a couponer. I use coupons for everything I can. Our eating habits have changed, and there are not many produce coupons available. But, I try to save in other areas to give us more wiggle room for food in our budget. .
I just had to share and brag a little about my black Friday shopping! I hit up CVS with my mom, who has begun couponing this year, and is doing really well.
Bottom line, I got all the stuff in that picture, which retailed for over 50.00 for 1.85 out of pocket! Plus, I have over 25.00 in Extra Bucks to use there on anything and those don't expire until next month. d
I got"
3 tubes of toothpaste
2 Expresso drinks
Cough Drops
2 bottles of mouth wash
1 bottle of lotion
Chapstick
First Aid Kits
3 bottles of meds
Razors
Make up
Dish detergent
Just had to brag a bit!!!

Editors note--I forgot to mention this one.
P has been wanting an electic toothbrush. Earlier this year, he purchased one from the dentist for 180.00. We took it back. I have been on the look out for one that was more in our price range ever since.
Today, as I was looking in the flyer, I found one at Target that is normally 70.00. It was on sale for 39.00. I had a 25.00 coupon which made it 14.00. Plus, I have a 10.00 rebate form to mail in, which will make the final price of the toothbrush 4.00! Score!!!

Friday Confessions

Hope everyone had a very happy Thanksgiving!

Here are my weekly confessions:

1. I cheated while playing foosball against a 12 year old, and still lost.

2. I ate 1/2 a box of Wheat Thins for my appetizer before Thanksgiving dinner.

3. I pretended to spread some cheese from a cheese ball that my sister in law made and eat it in front of her. I told her it was so good.

4. My boss brought me a cookie at work, I threw it in the trash, but thanked her for the treat.

5. I "goose" my husband so often he is scared to bend down, or walk in front of me.

Ok, fess up. What are your confessions this week?

Early Riser

I am an early riser. I always have been. I get it from my mother.
Lately, P has been waking up before me, and it is weird. Most of our married life, I have gotten up first, and waited on him to wake up.

When P gets up before me, he makes his coffee, and then comes and in his soft kind voice, says "Good morning babe" and he scratches my back, or rubs my hair until I wake up. It is so nice, and it is a great way to start the day.


When I wake up 1st, I have been told that I sound like a gorilla in a cage. Allegedly, I am loud. Apparently my idea of quiet and his are 2 different things. When I go to wake him up, I bring him his coffee, smack his ass, and say "Hey get up" then I sing to him. Romantic right? You be the judge.


I had a point----I think it was to show that I am truly a delicate flower. No, that was not it. It was about P getting up early. He now sets his alarm for 5 a.m. and most days, he gets right out of bed. This is the 1st time in our married lives that he has consistently gotten up before me. I usually roll out of bed 15-20 minutes after him.


Some days I hit the gym before work. Other days, I just loaf around and take my time in the mornings. We have also begun taking our dog for a walk in the morning, and that has been a really fun ritual.


Who gets up earlier in your house?

Lunch Rush

Hi, my name is Allison and I am a doer. I thrive on having a lot of thing to do. I am a to-do list freak. I relish making my daily to do lists. I get a thrill highlighting my accomplished tasks. It makes me happy, and less insane.

Every morning I make 2 lists, my work to do list, and my personal to do list. I do what I can on my personal list during the downtime at work, but come lunch time- I go balls to the wall. I have 1 hour, just one precious hour to get as many tasks done on my list as I can. I cram as much stuff into that 1 hour as possible. Stop by the bank?--I will do it at lunch. Return that sweater to the store--see ya midday. Redeem the coupons--I got it covered today.

There is something about accomplishing so much stuff, cramming so much into that 1 hour that gives me a thrill. I start sweating and worrying that I wont get it all done, or that I will be late getting back to work, but it is a rush. Once that clock hits 1pm, I rush down the stairs, jump in the car, drive like a manic, and get everything done that I can.
That hour is not relaxing at all, but I like it that way. I like cutting it to the minute that I have to be back, and knowing that after I run up the 4 flights of stairs, that I will get to sit down, get out my to do list and highlight away.
What is your most productive time?

Friday Confessions

Here are my weekly confessions
1.I was really grumpy one day- I went to McDonalds and ate my feelings in fries.
2. Sometimes when I don't want to take in all the calories on an item, I leave the last bite or 2 and pat myself on the back for not consuming all those calories. (In reference to #1)
3. On Saturday, I didn't brush my teeth until bed.
4. I don't wash the blender during the week, I just rinse it with water.
5. I never close the shower curtin--and it bugs the heck out of P.

Alright, fess up, what have you done this week?

Changing Tastes

My tastes have changed this past year in several ways.


My taste buds have totally changed. This past year, I have found that I can stomach spicy foods better than ever. I have started to put jalapenos on all my food. I have thrown them on some sammies and salads, and the heat does not bother me at all. There have been several times when P and I have been eating the same thing, and he starts hurting because of the heat of the food, and I it does not affect me at all, it is really weird.


My taste in blogs have also changed. I started reading blogs about 4 years ago. Up until then, I had never heard of a blog--yes, I am a technological power house, I know. At that time, P and I were working to pay off our debt, and I was reading a ton of financial articles and one of them mentioned The Budgeting Babe. I clicked the link- and boom- my world turned upside down, and I started reading blogs from there. I was so inspired by her and I learned so much from her about money. That led to me find other blogs about personal finance, and I was in awe of people talking about their lives and money online. I kept me motivated to get out of debt, and made me excited to learn how to handle money. It was through a blog that I learned of Dave Ramsey, which REALLY turned our lives around.

Today, I still read a few p.f. blogs and when I get loose with money, I always go search out my old favorite for a swift kick in the rear. But, now I have expanded my blog reading to include more blogs about food, fitness, and life style. I have played with veganism through Mama Pea, oogled the crafts by Carla, been motivated to organize every nook and cranny of my home by Rochelle, laughed my butt off at Brooke, and been inspired time and time again my Denise. She constantly challenges me, inspires me, and makes my mouth water with her garden and food creations.


My tastes have changed, but I like where it has led me too, and the blogs I have read. I think that is one thing that I like most about blogging is that it has opened my world to people, ideas, pictures, thoughts, and education. It is like reading your friends diary when she walks out of her room, but not have to worry that you will be caught.

Have your tastes changed?

Here are my weekly confessions:

1. I have not washed my hair in 4 days
2. Twice this week I have taken my dog on a walk and I have not brought a poo bag
3. On both of those walks, I bent over and pretended to pick up the poo b/c people were around
4. On one of those walks, I didn't have a poo bag, but I had a dryer sheet in my pocket, and I covered the poo with. So I not only didn't pick up the poo, but I littered.
5. I dropped yogurt and granola on the keyboard. I just slurped/licked it up.


Time to fess up, what are your confessions this week.

My food Philosophy

The other day, I was emailing with an accountant who works in my company. She offices in another state, and we work together daily, and through our emailing, we have struck up a friendship. It is funny, because I only know her name, I have no idea what she looks like, and I have only spoken to her on the phone maybe 5 times. We do all of our work via email. And we email a lot. The past 3 weeks, we have been emailing more than usual. It has been fun to get to know her, but it is also funny how different she is from me. We somehow got on the subject of food, and she told me for dinner she had 3 packs of string cheese, and some oreos. Her boyfriend came over, saw all the wrappers, and made her eat some cereal. Then she told me how much she loved Taco Bell. I decided right then and there she needed help. I ended up typing a really long email, and after I read it, I realized that is was my food philosophy. This is my view of food:


First, if I eat meat, it will be organic.



Second, I am trying to cut out the processed foods from my diet. For example, I like mashed potatoes. I used to go to the store, buy the box of potato flakes, put it on the stove, add some milk, and enjoy. Now, I buy 2 potatoes from the produce section, boil them, and make them from scratch. I does take a bit longer, but I am eating fewer chemicals, it is cheaper, and I feel better knowing exactly what is in my food.


Third, I am trying to cut out meat. I currently go 2 or 3 days a week without meat. I like how I feel and I like that I am doing something good for my body, and my budget.


Fourth, 80% of the food in my basket is fresh produce rather than boxes. That makes me feel good.


Fifth, when I look at the food I eat, I try to figure out if that piece of food could somehow reproduce. If I dug a hole, and put in a powdered donut or some mentos, would they grow into a plant? No. But, if I dug a hole and put the seeds from my apple into the ground, it would (technically) grow into a tree that could produce more apples.


Finally, I realized that food is fuel, and I want to feel good. I don't want to eat food that weighs me down, or makes me tired. I want the food I eat to give me energy to do all the things I love to do.



I fail at this all the time. As I wrote here, I ate way too much junk food. I do not have any training in food. I am not a master in the kitchen like Denise. But, I am learning and trying, and I like where this discovery is taking me.

I had ennui

Generally, I am a peppy, hyper, happy, joyful, delightful person. I tend to be go, go, go all the live long day. Once I am awake, I generally have a quick laugh, an easy smile, and joy in my heart.


But sometimes, I have to deal with a virus that I get, it is called ennui . Please click here for an explanation of this horrible illness. (Pronounced on-wee)

A few weeks ago, I had ennui, and I had it bad. In order for me to be that ravishing, smiling creature, I need to move and to sweat first. I have been that way ever since I was young. Growing up, I would be in a horrible mood, or I would be lazy. My mom would force me out the door to play, make me go run, and boom--within half an hour, my mood was lifted, and I was in good spirits again. It was the same way with my brother. We both could be "grumpy gills" but once we moved and got our sweat on, we are fine.

The other day, I did not get up early to work out. I came home, and rather than head straight out the door, I turned on the t.v. I ended up sitting there, loafing around like a loser, and was just useless. P came home, and I could not shake my mood. He kept hounding me, asking me what was wrong, and I kept telling him I had ennui. He didn't believe me. I insisted that I was not mad, I just had ennui. I just moped around, grumped around, and sat my stanky personality on the couch and suffered, and made him suffer in return.

Luckily, it was gone by the next morning when I got my sweat on my illness vanished, and I returned to myself.

What about you, do you ever suffer from ennui?

Friday Confessional

And here are my weekly confessions:

1. I have called our apartment office 3 times this week and pretended to be 3 different people in the complex in order to get them to do something I wanted.
2. In a training seminar for work, I cheated off the girl in front of me during a practice module.
3. The trainer in the seminar is mean. I made stuff up about her in my head all day because I don't like her.
4. I spy on my neighbors with 2 different sets of binoculars that I keep on the fireplace mantle.
5. I eaves dropped on people's conversations.

Green Gone Bad

I am green. I do all the small things--turn off the lights, use reusable bags, I rarley buy water in placitc bottles, I use my bike to run errands, and some other small things. Go me--kind of! Nothing revolutionary, I know, but it is something small that will add up to a big impact.

I am always on the look out for ways to continue to "green up" our lives. Last month, I was reading in the Whole Foods flyer that one way to save water is to use the water from boiling pasta or rinsing beans in our plants. Wow!! That is a great idea that I had never even thought of.

Last Thursday, I made some pasta and veggies for dinner, and it was fab! (Fab in the gluten free pasta that I got for free at Whole foods with a coupon so naturally it is going to taste super yummy way!)

P got home right as I finished dinner, and he was getting changed, putting out the plates, and getting the drinks ready. While he was doing that, I kept walking out to the porch with a measuring cup. Finally, after about 5 trips, he asked me what I was doing. I explained what I was doing, and how smart and green I was, blah blah blah.

Once explained, he walked out to the porch and looked at my plants. He then looked at the stove where I was pulling more water from the pasta pot. He looked at me, shook his head, and the following conversation ensued.
He: You just killed the plants.
Me: (in shock) No I didn't....how did I do that?
He: look at the water, its boiling
Me: No it's not
He: Ok, its not boiling, but it is really hot
Me: So
He: Hot water kills the roots of plants
Me: Oh
He: Yea--think about it
Me: But its cold outside
He: That does not matter
Me: But the flyer didnt say anything about that
He: Well, you cant learn everything from reading
Me: Crap

Lesson learned. Before using the water from rinsing beans or cooking pasta, be sure to let it cool, before you put it on your plants.
Good intentions, bad ending.
RIP plants, RIP

Friday Confessions

It is Friday Confessional---

1.I talk to my dog like he is a person
2. I ate 2 rolls of fruit flavored mentos in less that 5 minutes
3. My co-worker brought a sandwich for me this week, I threw it in the trash, but told her it was good.
4. I ate an obscene amount of cookie dough, and didn't even think about making cookies with it.
5. I run yellow lights.

Your turn, fess up. What have you done this week?

Lessons Learned from a Family Weekend

2 weekends ago, P and I flew down to Houston for my grandfathers 90th birthday. It was a great party, and it was so much fun, but I learned some pretty significant lessons from that weekend.

Scar run deep and old wounds caused by our own blood tend to hurt more and take longer to heal. I saw that in my mother. Her parents divorced when she was a baby, and she and her dad did not get along for many years. They began to repair their relationship about 15 years ago. My mom has worked really hard to repair their broken ties, and now they are in a place of genuine love and respect for each other. However, no matter how far they have come, those old scars still burn. P and I were talking to my mom during the part about her and my grandfather as children, and her eyes welled up with tears talking about those old hurts. There is something about sharing blood that makes those old wounds hurt just a bit more than others. It was a great reminder that words have power, they can tear down or build up, and once they are out, you cannot take them back.

Family tiffs can go on for years. My grandmother died when I was about 13. She was the anchor to my mothers side of the family. She and I were always very close. She spent the last year and a half of her life fighting lung cancer. My family and I came to see her at least 2x a week (she lived about 45 min. away) while she was sick, and the last month of her life, we were at her house every day. I was there in the room when she died. She stopped speaking a few weeks before she passed because of the soars that had grown in her mouth and throat. The morning she died, I was by her bed, and she looked at me and told me I was the sunshine of her life. After that, she fell asleep and never woke up. God, I loved that woman. I loved her for who she was and not what she could give me, because she couldn't give much. After my step-grandfather died, she went to work at Walmart to make ends meet. The most valuable things she owned were 2 small necklaces with 2 tiny diamonds in there. She left those to me in her will. I never knew she had them. The day of her funeral, my uncles wife flipped out when she found out I received those necklaces, and yelled at me in front of everyone. I told her she could have them if she wanted them, and I meant it. Ever since that day, she has removed herself from our family. We have seen her maybe 10 times in the last 15 years. I would gladly give those back to have a better relationship with her. I learned that stuff, no matter how beautiful or precious can never replace relationships
My other aunt, my mom's step sister (my mom is 1 of 7, 5 are still living) moved far way and have never spoke to our family since the funeral. My mom thinks she had always felt like an outsider. I miss her, and I have written to her a few times over the years, but never heard back. I learned that you cannot take family for granted, we all need to feel loved and wanted.
My mom and the others are still really close. They email and talk to each other all the time, which is awesome. Family is such a funny thing. I come from a huge, crazy tribe. The final lesson I learned from my mother in law. After a family reunion on that side of the family, she looked at me and said, "Family is a good hard thing."

That is absolutely true.

View from the Top

I work in a high rise office building now. My schedule, life, and office settings are totally different from when I was a teacher.
Now, my desk is near one of our office doors and just outside my office door is the men's restroom.
Being next to the door is probably not a good thing for me, as I watch everyone that walks by. I also watch the comings and goings of the men going into the restroom. The conclusion I have come to just by observation--men are gross and weird.

From my fabulous vantage point, I have observed many things about many men on my floor. For example, one ma goes to the restroom every sing hour on the hour. He will go into the restroom no less than 8 times a day. I chug water all day long--and I don't go 8x a day. Sometimes I wonder if he has bladder issues or a prostate problem. I was not sure so being the inquisitive, ravishing creature that I am, I decided to ask my expert, Dr. Google. The dr. says this man could have diabetes, he could be pregnant, have prostate problems, intestinal cysts, high blood pressure, or bladder cancer. I wonder what he has. Not judging, just curious.

Sometimes there are men who go in the restroom, open the door, and turn around and walk right out. You KNOW somthin' aint right in there for a man to walk away.

Other men use the restroom lest frequently, but choose to stay in a while longer, a lot longer. I once noted that one man was in there for more than 30 minutes. Uhhh, Houston, that is a problem.

It is funny to me when the men don't expect someone else to be in the restroom. They get really surprised and I can see them jump and give a little start when the notice they are not going to be alone. I see them talking to one another, and sometimes someone will hold the door open and talk to the other person in the restroom from the hallway. --Real classy guys. Real classy.

Sometimes, if it is really quite in my office, I can here the toilets flush. It is kind of sick when the toilet flushes and the man stays in in there for a while longer. I have been told this is called a courtesy flush. O my gosh.

There is also a really sweet old man on my floor. If I had to guess, I would say he is in his 80's. He is very sweet, and every time I see him, I make a point to chat with him. The problem is, when he goes into the restroom, he looks into my office to give me a wave. If I don't make eye contact with him, he will stand outside the restroom door and wait until I wave back at him. He is in there a long time in the mornings. Guh...

Finally, there are the men who come to my floor to use the restroom that don't work on my floor. That skeeves me out. What horrible act are they going to do in there that they cannot bear to do within 100 feet of their own office near they own co-workers? Go home then, please.

Yes, I do sit at the precipice of power.

Friday Confessions

I think I might start trying to do this regularly, just confessions on Friday's.


1.I am in an intense game of Words with Friends with a coworker--I have used scrabble cheat for all of my plays.
2. I come from a family who consideres it a massive waste of time if you do not bring reading material into the bathroom with you everytime. (Do with that what you will)
3. I don't think expensive cupcakes are worth it. I will stick with homeade
4. I spent half of my work day yesterday playing on my ipad.
5. I spent the other half of this day emailing with another girl in my company in another state. Way to be productive at work.

Alright--fess up, what are your confessions this week?

To Fool or Not To Fool

I have been debating for last few weeks about doing another full marathon this year or just doing a half. Just a half, it makes it sound so simple.

One day I decided I want to do a full, the next day I change my mind. I think about it all the time. I ran the full in San Antonio for the past 2 years, and it is a great race, but I just don't know if my heart is into doing a full this year. I have been doing more smaller races this year, quite a few 5K's and I have gotten faster with each race, and I go out wanting to p.r. every time. I have also been incorporating a speed workout into my routine every week, something that I always blew off in my past marathon training. As a result of my speed work, I have increased my speed, and I have found myself running about 45 seconds faster per mile comfortably. (That is based on the marathon pace of course)

Overall, I am pleased with the progress I have made. I want to do more than 5K's but less than a full marathon. I think I have set my mind on a couple of 1/2 marathons. I think this will allow me to do a big race, but continue to work on speed.

I still struggle with actually thinking of myself as a runner because I don't run sub 16 marathons a year at a sub 4 hour pace. I wish I could, but I am not there.

I think the 1/2 is where I want to be this year, and I really want to push myself. Plus, I am excited about doing some different races that I have not done before. Tentatively, I am thinking about doing the Austin half and the Cowtown half, and maybe one more this racing season.

What do you guys think? Are you doing any races?

Weekend Recap

We had an awesome weekend---how was yours?
Friday night P and I flew home for my grandfathers 90th birthday party. (It is a 6 hour drive and only a 45 min. flight. My parents offered to pay for our plane ticket if we came down, we said Yea!)

We went down to Houston for Papa's birthday, and all of my mom's family was there. She is 1 of 7 kids, 5 of whom are still living, needless to say, we are a huge clan.
After landing on Friday night around 8, we popped over to the house to see the family and say hi to everyone. We drove home to my parents and hit the sack.

I woke up early Saturday and did a slow 5 mile run, then my mom and I hit up Target. She had a ton of coupon match up's and ended saving over 20.00 off her bill. We showered and got ready for the party. We went back over to my grandparents house, then to their favorite resturant and caught up with family members we have not seen in years. It was a blast!
After the party, we went home, changed, and walked 2 miles to my grandmother's house on my dad's side. We hung out there, watched the baseball game, and talked for a few hours with her and my uncle.
Once home, we showered, watched the football game, and I passed out on the couch.
We flew back to the big D on Sunday mid-day and got stuff done. I went to the store, P went and picked up our dog, we did some laundry and cleaned the house.

It was a great weekend full of family time. I wish it was longer, but it was still so good.
How was your weekend?

Not Good

P and I are not good travelers. Wait, scratch that, we are great travelers. We are fun, adventurous, up for anything kind of people. We will go place on a whim, and we always want to explore and see whats out there. We will try most anything once.

We are good travelers, we are not good packers. NOT AT ALL. Our luggaage is cheap and broken. As a result we pack using bags. P has 2 backpacks, one small one that is actually a camel back holder and 1 large one that I can fit into. And that man can load those puppies up.

When traveling, I usually carry my backpack, my purse, and then another bag, all of which are bursting at the seams. There is crap shoved into every pocket. A change of clothes in our carry on, and last minute crap we grabbed going out the door. Needless to say, it aint a pretty site when we drag all our crap in 18 different bags into the airport.

When we drive somewhere, it is actually worse. I am a bag lady. I buy bags all the freakn' time and I don't know why. Not purses, but big ass bags. The kind that hold a ton, but don't zip. Yep I am that girl. I have so many bags. I take those when it is a road trip. I have also been known to pack using a laundry basket. I just throw all my junk in there, throw it in my trunk and go.

On road trips with P- his motto is--we have the car, load er' up. Back seat- open for anything-just throw it back there.

Plus, we each over pack. Once, when we went skiing for 7 days, P brought 18 t-shirts. (Honey, sorry to throw you under the bus, but you did!) That is a lot of t-shirts given that we were in 8 degree weather.

I over pack undies and socks. I have this fear that I will run out of fresh/clean panties. For a 2 day weekend, I tend to pack 8-10 pair. Do I ever use them all, of course not. And books. I have being confised so I have to bring a ton of stuff to read or entertain myself.

But it ALL ENDS TODAY. Today we become good packers.

In my mind, upon making that announcement there is some triumphant music playing in the back ground.....just go with it....um k.

Today I scooted to REI during lunch and bought this case.

Then I ran to Target and bought a small carry on bag that zips up.

The they don't match at all. At least it is luggage. I am driving to Austin for a girls weekend and I did not want to roll up into the hotel with 18 bags and a laundry basket, and my foam roller.

These bags give me the paramaters I need to avoid over packing.

My packing is going to be beautiful. Can't you see it now--I will be the picture of travel efficiency. I will be just like those people in the movies who carry one small carry on that holds 16 outfits and 5 pair of boots somehow. Yes, I will claim victory today over this travest of travel and become an organized packer. Victory will be mine.

Hey, I can dream...

Meeting #2

We have finally gotten all the paperwork done from our first meeting with our financial advisor. It has taken forever, been a major pain in the rear, but it is finally done. Now that he has our money, we have to decided what to do with the money, and how to invest it. For now, I leave you with all the questions that I typed up to ask him tonight. Some of these, I should have asked before now, but here they are.
I will be sure to update you on the meeting tomorrow.

Why are we investing with this fund?
Should we diversify, is it smart to put all of our money with this one company?
What happens if this fund shuts down?
Will the stock market go up again?
What happens if you leave this company?
Is now a good time to invest our money?
What happens if your company shuts down?
People are talking about taking their moeny out of the banks, should we consider this?
Is investing 15% enough?
What is your one one our money is invested?
What set of checks and balances are there with your company?
What will you be able to do with our money once you give it to you?
How many clients have beat their benchmarks or are on track with their goals?
What goals do you have for us?
How have your clients fared during the recessions?
Can you combine all of your clients into one portfolio and tell me how they did?
What is your short term investing record?
What is your long term investing record?
How do you make investment decisions for us?
How do you decide when to stick with an investment or pull out?
Who makes the decisions about our investing options? You, others, a group?
Can we have a written outline of fees and investment strategies?
If we want to leave this investment company is that possible?
How many clients do you have?
Have you ever been disciplined for unlawful/unethical actions?
Is your company making money?
Who is your biggest competition right now?
How is your company faring against the competition?
How many lawsuits have been brought against this company?
What is your investing philosophy?
What kind of car do you drive?
Have you ever been fired from a job?
How do we know when we should adjust our investment strategy?
What if we dont save enough moeny for retierment?

Ok, there are about 20 more questions that I have typed up for him. Do you see any more I should ask.

Regrets

I am not one of those people who lives with out regrets, are you?
Those people who say they don't, well I admire them.
I have done some stupid things in my life, as well as some smart ones, but I still have regrets.
My biggest regret is that I never moved to Paris, which we all know is a place I long for.
Here is what I did:

I graduated college in December and I did not have job. I moved home, lived with my parents, job searched, saved some money, applied to grad school, and worked as a substitute teacher. I was accepted into grad school, and would start the following August. 8 months at home. While at home I worked out a ton, hung out with my parents, shopped at Target entirely to much, and probably annoyed my mom and dad enough for them to be thankful that I was their last child. To this day, I swear I hear anxiety in my moms voice when I tell her I am coming home for more than a week at a time. Apparently, they are concerned that I will try to change their eating habits, and throw away all their crap, and live a more minimalist lifestyle. What, you wouldn't like that? As we know, I am always right, as is my mother.

Here is what I should have done:
I wish I would have moved home and had a huge garage sale. Just put all my junk out in the driveway and sold everything that people would have purchased. I should have taken that money, pocketed it, and work like a dog in about 18 different jobs.
I should have saved all of that money. Once I had enough funds, I should have booked a one way plane ticket and short term apartment and moved to Paris for as long as I could afford it.
I should have spent that time eating, reading, and exploring the city. Taking it all in and just live the life of the ex-pat.

That is my biggest regret. I should have taken the chance, and ran with it.

What is your biggest regret?

I'm Her

Looking at yesterday's post, I had a revelation, I am my mother.
A decade ago, this revelation would have made me ill. As I said before, I was a major turd growing up. (A real pain in the a@#.)
As I reread the song that I typed, the song she sang to me, I thought about all the way in which we are similar.

Her Me
-she is a voracious reader-- me too
-she is opinionated-- me too
-she loves Target-- me too
-she underestimates herself-- me too
-she knows every song from the 50's and 60's-- me too
-she laughs really loudly-- me too
-she is stubborn-- me too
-she is cheap, no frugal-- me too
-she thinks she is always right-- me too
-she can hold a grudge-- me too
-she holds a black belt in silent warfare-- me too
-she prefers baking to cooking ---me too
-she shows her love through service --me too

In many ways, after my husband, she is my best friend. She knows me so well and could probably predict how I would respond to most things.
I like to shock her and make her think I am wild child and a bit crazy.
In college when she asked me about my weekend plans, I would respond by saying "I am going to turn tricks on the corner, knock over a liquor store, get really wasted, then get some tatts on my arms."
-She did not think I was funny or charming when I said that.
In other ways we are really different too.
She is a good listener---I am not.
She will let me ramble on about the most assinine stuff without ever interrupting.
She always lets me hang up the phone whenever I get tired of talking without getting mad.
She never says I told you so.
She lets me pick the radio and t.v. stations.
She will eat raw fish at Whole Foods unknowingly because I ask her to try it.

Overall, she is pretty fantastic. She has more strength and courage than she shows or gives herself credit for. She does not recognize her grace or her virtue.

It is from her I learned discipline.
It is because of her that I am who I am today.
It is because of her strength that I have never laid down, and let life beat me.
It is because of her that I am a fighter.

I guess if I had to be like her--well, its not that terrible.

Jock Walk

I have a special song that I sing to P in the mornings, it is a song my mom used to sing to me, and it goes like this:
Good morning to you,
Good morning to you,
Were all in our places,
With sunshiny faces,
and this is the way,
we start a new day.

I hum that to myself most mornings. I also sing that to P regularly in the mornings. He claims he doesn't like it, but I know better. I know he really does!

P also has a morning ritual. A few times a week before I leave, the likes to tell me, "Try to walk less like a jock." He then proceeds to mimic the way I walk. However, when he mimics me, it looks as if an ape were walking up right, just a tad step past dragging his knuckles on the ground.
UHH--as if.....
I walk the way I walk and I like it.
I walk fast- really fast. I don't really like to meander. I have a goal, I get to it, get it done, and move on.
I step hard--I will give him that one. I am a loud walker. I wear heels almost everyday and they are loud.
I am an alpha walker--I usually weave in and out of people, and I always try to slip in the door before the next person.
Sometimes I race people to doors, corners, mailboxes. They don't know we are racing, but usually I win, and do a little victory celebration in my mind.

Most mornings when P does his little routine, I roll my eyes and laugh.
I walk how I walk, and I like it.
To be honest, I know he does too!

Ipadded

We purchased this.

It cost a lot of $$$$.

I called P one afternoon, and by that night we bought it.

I have had regrets because of $$$.

I don't want to talk about how much it $$$$.

But I really like it.

Depressing

Now that I work in the corporate world, my days are different than when I taught.
When I was teaching, the day was broken up into nice and neat segments, 1 hour incriments.
With this new job- my days are no longer broken down into class times.
Now, my days are measured by the programs on NPR.
8-9 Morning edition. I get caught up on the major headlines
9-11- The Diahne Rhems show
11-12- Terry Gross. One of the best programs on NPR. I learn so much from her guests
12-2- Think with Kris Boyd (a local show)
2-3 The World with Marco Ormond. I learn about what is going on all over the globe
3-4 All things Considered
4-4:30- Marketplace-- Where I learn about all things financial
4:30-5 All Things Considered wraps up my day


As I work, I keep the radio low, and I keep my ear out of interesting stories. I like the book reviews, and the interesting guests. The politics, while I might not agree, it is still interesting.
The problem is, that by the end of the day--I want to lay in a ball under my desk and start crying. The news is depressing. UHH. I have started only listening to the topical shows that do interviews with authors, chefs, or personalities (i.e. Fresh Air) because by the time the day is over, I leave work feeling guilty that I have a job because there are so many Americans out of work, and I feel like America is spiraling downward and never going to recover.

AHHHH

I can't sit there and listen to the depressing news everyday. I have started to tune into the Dave Ramsey show. It's on the a.m. dial, so it does not come in well. I need more of that on the radio during the day. I need to hear postitive news. I need to hear that our best days are not behind us. I need to hear people being successful, because if we are going to recover from this hard time, then we need people succedding in business.

A Naked Outing

I waited patiently all day for it to get dark. I kept looking at the windows all evening. At 7:40 I turned to P ans said "It's dark."
I even opened the door to show him--but nope--the sun was just setting, and it was not dark enough for him.
Finally after what seemed like an eternity- it was dark, pitch black outside.
I looked at P and said "let's go."
He sighed, got off the couch and started getting ready to go.
As he was getting ready, he looked at me and said--"Why are we doing this again?"
I responded with "You promised to come with me."
He replied with "I need to start asking more questions."
In the dark of night we drove about 1/4 of a mile (not the location I would have chosen, but I went with it.) We scaled the 7 foot fence and found ourselves alone on an empty golf course in the dark.
It was time for P to get naked-as I was already going tribal myself.
Standing under a tree in the dark, P did it! He took of his sandles and joined me.
We went running without shoes--but with our clothes. We ran for about 20 minutes barefoot on the golf course, then we did a couple of build up sprints.
We finished about 9, scaled the 7 foot fence again and went home.

I finished Born to Run, and it inpsired me to give naked running (running barefoot) a try.
The book was so great. I could not put it down. I have already reread a few of the sections again, because it was so dense with information.
I will do a full book review on the blog, but if you have not read it, go out and READ it now!

A Thankful Salute

Some days, words are not enough, and they cannot do justice. There are others who are more eloquent than I, and they have said so much about this day, that has moved me to tears. Just like every other American, I remember exactly where I was, and what I was doing the moment those towers were hit. It was scary, sad, confusing, and frightening. A sad day for me, a life altering day for so many. It was the day of infamy for our generation.


To commemorate today, P and I woke up this morning, and drove and were a part of this crowd.

We were here at this tower. To honor, remember, and to say thank you, in a small, simple way.

We went to watch over 300 firemen from North Texas trek up 110 flights of stairs in the 9/11 Memorial Climb. 343 firemen each wore a picture of one of the firemen who lost their lives at the World Trade Center. One of those 343 was a good friend of ours. He drove 2.5 hours just to do this. As the men and women marched past us in full gear, walking the 55 flights of stairs, twice to go the same distance as those at the World Trade Center, I found myself crying at the sight. There were young men and old, Women, Whites, Blacks, Asians, Hispanics and more. There were wives, kids, parents, and friends.

As the bag pipes played Amazing Grace, and the fire fighters trudged up the stairs, I was so thankful for them, these brave people who put themselves in harms way every day. These are the great ones. These are the strong ones. These are some of the best we have to offer, and they sacrifice for us.

It was a beautiful experience, and one that I will never forget, and hopefully, I will be able to get even more involved in the years to come.

One of the best parts of today, was for the first time in months, I have not heard ANY political fighting. It felt like we were united again. It felt like we loved each other and we loved this country, together. It was a day to remember, to grieve, and to honor those who serve us, died for us, were victims of this terrible attack, and to tell them and their families, We Will Never Forget. Today politics were pushed aside, and for a few hours, it felt like us again. My hope and prayer is that we as a country will use this day to bring us back together and work towards healing the loss from that day, and from the infighting we have inflicted upon ourselves.

The chants of USA at the football games moved me to tears again. The Star Spangled Banner moved me to tears. I love this country and everything she has given to me and to so many others.

I ask that tonight, you hug your family, and say an extra prayer for all of the public servants who give of themselves daily, and you pray for peace and unity.

We will never forget.

On My Book Shelf

I have heard about this book for years, and I was at Whole Foods a few weeks ago and decided to finally bit the bullet and pick it up.

I want to see the documentary about this book, Forks over Knives. I cant find a place that carries it. I am really interested to see how a plant based diet can change our health.

I saw the movie first, which is something I never do. The movie made me laugh and cry, so I just had to pick up the book to see what it was all about.

I cannot put this down. Some friends came to stay with us a few weeks ago and gave us this book as a thank you. I started it on Thursday, and Iam over half way done. It is awesome!!!

This I picked up today at B&N. I love Paris, and I have been aching to go back. Well, the next best thing is to read about it I guess.

It is funny that I have purchased so many books in the past few weeks. Usually, I don't buy books, I check them out from the library. Being new to the city, I have not found the libraries yet, so I have been buying them. Not exactly frugal, and most of my fun money has been dissappearing into the books. I think I need to put a stop to the book buying, and get back to the book borrowing.

What are you reading these days?

Why

Why do I...
great my husband on the phone every time with "What up homey-g-funk-McNasty......
I don't know.

Why did I...
wear a sweater to work today? Because it was the first time in 60 days that it was not over 100 degrees, and I thought that 96 was a tad bit chilly. Yes it is all relative, and no I was not the only woman in a sweater--I promise there were several others.

Why is it that....
when I find change on the ground I pick it up, dance around, and yell- yes yell at my husband "dividends"

Why do I...
think that I have a better voice than Celine?
because I do

Why do I...
think I can flow better than Jay-Z and Snoop?
because I can...

Why am I so freakin cool???........uhhh you dont have to answer that......

365 + 1

A year ago today--
I remember exactly where we were and what we were doing.
This past year has been full for changes, obstacles, and trials.
A year ago I was stressed, worried, tired, and a bit scared of the future.

366 days ago, this was our situation:
We were homeless. We bounced from friends homes, to family houses, to hotels.
We were living in an extended stay "hotel."
We spent Labor Day weekend with family so we would not have to pay for said hotel room for 3 nights.
We lived out of our cars. Things we needed were in bags, baskets, and suitcases.
Everything else was in a storage unit.
I was "promoted" taught different classes to higher levels of kids
P just started a temp job. He went to a few farms, literally knocked on their doors, and told them he knew how to drive a tractor.
P rushed up to his parents house in the middle of the night because his dad had an "episode" and was taken by ambulance to the e.r.
As we lay there at night in the "hotel" we could here people above us having "relations" every 2:30 a.m.--on the dot.

There were 3 things that got me through that time
-The Lord, My husband, and hope
I relied so heavily on the Lord during those times, and he never let me down. It was hard- but he never promised to take me out of it--He just promised to join me in it.

My husband- P was a rock. I am someone who needs stability and order, and our life was lacking greatly in those areas. He was so understanding and patient with me. I think he gave me about 30 hugs a day, just to reassure me that everything was going to be all right.

Hope. I hope and prayed things would change, that they would get better. They did- just slowly.

I know there are others who have suffered so much more that I have. My trials and problems are minuscule compared to what is going on in the world, I know that.

I knew then, just as I know now, I am blessed beyond all imagination. I am loved by God, my family, and my friends.

Through all of that, through this crazy year we have lived in 5 different locations, moved hundreds of miles away from our friends and community, lived apart for 6 months, and now we both have very different jobs than we had before.
Through it all I have learned something--I am stronger than I thought, both physically and mentally. P and I are stronger than I thought. It has been a year of change, or chaos, and of trials, and I am glad to be on the other side of it.

25

25 things
1.I know every line to the movie Steel Magnolias
2. I think cheap chocolate is way better than the expensive stuff.
3. At the last wedding I went to, I had at least 10 glasses of champagne.
4. Gilmore Girls is still my favorite show of all time
5. Sitcoms make me happy
6. No matter how many marathons I run, I dont know that I will ever consider myself a true runner
7. I program things to odd numbers--reheating in the microwave, volume number on tv; or radio
8. I am not good with emotions
9. I think pickles go with everything
10. I never wear the color pink
11. I am not one of those people who lives without regrets
12. Baseball is boring
13. Golf is more boring than baseball
14. My husband makes me want to be a better person
15. Long walks are one of the best ways to end a day
16. I dream of returning to Paris almost daily
17. Scary movies give me nightmares
18. If my purse is not completly organized I get stressed out
19. I don't like to sit on couches---I would rather lay on them
20. I look through my closet everyday for things to get rid of
21. I never ever wear bracelets
22. I have fallen off the treadmill more times than I care to remember
23. Music moves me
24. I get depressed without sunshine
25. I am not creative--I call arts and crafts--arts and craps.

Dear Dad

These are the words I would say if I were brave or comfortable enough with emotions to tell them to my Dad.

Dear Dad,

Happy birthday! I love you old man and I have some things to say to you.

First, thank you for being my father. Thank you for loving me when it was hard, and when I didn't deserve love. I was a major turd for so long in my life, and you still loved me, supported me, and cared for me. I remember once in high school I wanted a CD, back before downloadable music even existed, and I didn't have a car or the cash for it. You told me you would get it for me. The next day I walked in the door, picked up the cd, and went to my room without even so much as a hello or a thank you. I don't think I even acknowledged your presence. Like I said, I was a turd for a major portion of my life.

Secondly, thank you for being my cheerleader. When mom and I would fight-which happened a lot for a season of my life, you were the one I would go to. You would sit and talk to me, and listen, and listen without judgment. Again, I don't think I ever said thank you for that.

There is one phrase you have said to me over and over all of my life, and sometimes, when I think about the day that you are no longer here, I wonder what life will be without those words. Do you know what I am talking about? You told me time and time again, "I am proud of you baby." When I scored a winning goal, you said it. When I studied my butt of and still got a C on all those math tests, you said it because you knew how hard I worked. When I graduated high school you said it. When I got my full ride to college, you said it. For so long, for so much of my life, I have done things, to win your approval and to hear that you were proud of me.

Did you know I used to be scared to dissapoint you? I knew that mom would get pissed and she was the enforcer of punishments, but I was so scared to do stuff wrong because I didn't want to see that look of dissapointment in your eyes when you looked at me.

Finally, thank you for working your ass off and taking crap from your bosses for years, for us. We might never have had the nicest cars, the best toys, hottest fashions, but we always had food on the table, gas in the cars, a warm bed to sleep in, and a place to call our own. You gave up your dreams for mom, CJ, and I . Never once in childhood did we say thank you, or "were proud of you." Dad, we are thankful for you and proud of you.

I am proud to call you my father, and I hope you are proud to call me your daughter.

With all my love,
Me.

Hot Mess

I realized something the other day as I was checking out at the grocery store....during check out, I am a hot mess.
Let me replay the checkout from last week.

-place green bags on belt
-place groceries on belt
-my grocery store price matches- so I pull out the ad from an organic grocery store that is just too far away and the clerk has to price match my food.
-opportunity 1 for clerk to get annoyed with me
-as the clerk is bagging, I realize my cold stuff did not get put into the bag I put on the counter that is insulated to keep my groceries cold, so I say something to the clerk and start transferring the goods.
-second opportunity for clerk to get annoyed with me
- i start chatting with clerk. ask about day, how they are doing
-not sure but think this might annoy clerk....third opportunity for clerk to get annoyed with me
-everything has been scanned, and I hand over all my coupons
-fourth opportunity for clerk to get mad at me
-as the clerk scans coupons, I point out when they are scanned for the incorrect amount and ask the clerk to fix it.
-remind the clerk that she did not take off 5c per bag for my green bags---at this point she is ready to spit in my face.
-fifth opportunity for clerk and all the people in line behind me to get annoyed with me
-total pops up on screen
-i whip out my envelope system (holla holla Dave Ramsey!) and pull out my cash and fish around the coin section for the exact change
-sixth opportunity for everyone to get annoyed as I count out my change
-Finally done with check out, i swear i feel clerk and all other grocery shoppers roll their eyes as I walk away.

Yes, I am a hot mess at the check out line, but in my defense, it is really hard to buy mostly organic food, and high quality produce on a tight budget--so I have to pull out all of my tricks.

Animal Spirit

I am active in the bed, seriously, I am an animal. (uh....wait....o, uh were you thinking something nasty....shame on you). I mean sleeping-hello.
I am what is called an "active" sleeper. We have a queen sized bed, which means it is 60 X80. With my sleeping patterns I tend to take up the following dimensions, 59 X75. It is always great for me because I am a good sleeper. I fall to sleep within minutes of my head hitting the pillow, and I rarely wake up in the middle of the night. I have always been a really hard sleeper, and once I am out, it is hard to wake me up. While this is fabulous for me, this is not so wonderful for the hubs, for several reasons.
First, I tend to sleep as an X. I sleep on my stomach with my arms flailing to both sides and my legs are all over the place. And then I move. It is not uncommon for me to wake up with my head falling off the side of the bed, with my legs falling off the other, in an almost horizontal position as opposed to the vertical position I started out.
I noticed the other night that P sleeps on his side with half of his body falling off the bed, while I take up the majority of it. Plus, I run cold, so I tend to be all over him for warmth. Again, this is great for me, but not so great for him, because he runs hot. Apparently at some point in the night, every night, I tend to throw my arm across his chest and my leg on his stomach which restricts his breathing. Whoops, but again, I have no control over this and I get a great night sleep and P, well he manages some how.
There are times that I feel bad about taking up 98% of the bed, but really there is nothing I can really do about it, so I just go on about my night sleeping beautifully.
We want to get a king size bed, but due to living in an apartment right now, our bedroom is too small for that large of a bed. I think the only thing that gets P through the night is him dreaming of a king sized, no a California king sized bed that we will buy someday.

Dreaming

I hate debt--duh. I hate it for so many reasons, but I realized something a few weeks ago that made me hate it even more. Debt robs you of hopes and dreams. It stifles you and makes you believe that things are not possible or achievable.
P and I have been out of debt for a few years now, but one thing we never got back to was dreaming. I didn't realize this until we moved to Dallas, but now, it is like we have given ourselves permission to dream again. Permission to hope and think about the future, about the things that we want to do and see. We have given ourselves permission to think about the future, to dream about what we want out of life, and it feels good.
There is nothing big coming up, but it feels good to just let go of that old and hope for things to come.

For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Jermiaha 29:11

"An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure."

Heat Stroke

No doubt you have heard about the extreme heat and drought we are going through. It has been over 100 degrees every day since I moved here. This week one day the high is 108.

I went running the other night about 7 thinking it would be cooler, I almost past out because it was so hot. At 6 am it is already over 90. There is no way to get cool or stay cool.

It is brutal and misserable.

Sweatin' it up all day in Dallas--Wahoo!!!

Post Meeting Update

We met with our ELP yesterday.
First, it was really great to act on this step. I feel like we have been stuck on step 3 for a while due to circumstances, so I was pumped to start moving ahead.
Our ELP was great. He had was Dave calls, "the heart of a teacher." Our meeting started about 5:45, and we didn't end up leaving until almost 8. He explained things so well, and we both walked out of there feeling as if we learned so much.
We got the paper work started to roll over some old 403 B's and 401K's into newer investments.
The next few weeks we need to do a little digging into some old investments and gathering paper work and getting everything going in the right direction and squared away.

Over all, it was a great decision and hopefully we will be able to reach our goals.

Preceptions

Do you ever wonder what others think of you? How do they perceive you? Is it the same way you think and perceive yourself?

At times, I think of myself as weak. You could ask anyone in my life, and they would tell you that they think I am mentally strong. My husband, my friends, my family, they would all say the same thing. Sure, I can do things I don't like and I can tough them out, but what people don't see is the mental battle. I have to battle things out in my mind so often. There have been so many times when I have wanted to quit something, when I just didn't want to face reality and mentally it was a big struggle to deal with stuff. When I think of a person of strength, I feel like they would never have the thoughts of caving in, of giving up, of letting go.

I remember growing up and going through some hard times, and I would look at my dogs, and wish that I had been born an animal so that I would not have to go through tough time. Its funny that I remember this, because whenever something hard would come up, I would sit there and wish that I wouldn't have to do it.

I was about to lie and write that I didn't know where this was coming from, but the truth is I know the root of this. I started a new job today. I am working in a corporate office in a high rise building, and today was hard. There was so much new stuff thrown at me, and so much information, and I realized very quickly how much I don't know. When I left for lunch, I walked away questioning my ability to do this job. Do I have what it takes? Can I do this?
Then, the really stupid part of me realized that I will no longer have a week off for Thanksgiving, or 3 weeks off for Christmas, or Spring Break like I did when I was a teacher. And I found myself longing for the classroom. Longing for the comfort of my warm safe haven where I knew what to do and how to do it. And I spent the day questioning my decision to take this position.
And for a brief second I found myself gazing at my dog and...well, you know.

Step 4

It has been a long time since I have done a financial update. Way tooo long.
So here it is--we have reached the Dave Ramsey Step 4!
We reached step three quite a while ago, but with P being out of a full time job, and working part time jobs for the past year, we have been in a bit of a holding pattern financially, and we were working to build our war-chest as Dave calls it. Basically, we knew we were moving, and there were a lot of changes and we were uncertain about so many things, that we needed to simply pile up some cash for a bit.
Now, we are ready to move on! I have gone on Dave's website and I have contacted and ELP and we will be working to get our investments up to snuff!!
IRA roll overs, Roth IRA's and investment talk is in our future. And I am very excited!!!

Food Inc.

We watched Food Inc. this weekend. WOW. I was floored by what we saw. Some of the things revealed in that movie blew my mind. The chemicals they use in our foods and the processes they use to grow our meat, I was horrified by what we saw. When it was over we immediatly walked out the door and went to Whole Foods. It was a nice, cleansing experience, and made me feel better.

I did walk away from the movie a bit confused on where to start. We eat pretty healthfully around here, but we don't buy organic foods because of the price, we honestly cannot afford to buy everything organic. However, we did decide that we are going to start small, and we are going to start with our meat. I go meatless 2 days a week, and this past weekend, the hubs and I talked about it, and he said he would give up meat 2 days a week also so that we can buy organic meat!!!!

While we were at Whole Foods we ended up talking to the butcher, his name is Tom. He was so helpful and very informative. We ended up buying some organic steaks(they are huge and cost a ton, they better be worth it!) and because the most common type of meat we eat is chicken, Tom the butcher gave us some raw chicken for free. He even explained how the organic chicken actually tasts different because of the way it was raised. We decided that we are going to make the organic chicken and the normal chicken we buy in the exact same way in different pans and have a little taste test. I will let you know how it goes.

What about you and your family, do yall eat organics? Do you see a difference?

(A special thanks goes out to Denise at Capturing the Days. She gave me some guidance on my food journey. Thanks Denise!)

Fight Face

Fight Face- a hard shelled face, stubborn, jerky, bratty, emotionally walled, distant, unaviliable, and obsninant.
I have had my fight face on for the past few weeks. The weekend that we moved up to Dallas, P and I had a great weekend, we were open, vulnerable, and completly honest with each other. It was amazing. But, somehow, after all of that tearing down of walls, and being open and honest, I put the walls right back up. I have been really argumentative the past few days/years/ all of my life. When I feel I am not being heard, or listened to, or my adgenda is being pushed to the side continually, I will put up one hell of a fight. I will put up a fight in really small ways. For example, I will get into an argument with the hubs at Blockbuster in the middle of the day about what movie to rent, and when the store clerk comes over the help us decide, and he sides with the hubs, I will continue to be pissed off for about 2 hours longer. (Why not rent 2 movies you ask? Well, Blockbuster has a free movie deal going on for the month of June, and I am too cheap to spend 2.99 to rent a second movie, and would rather wait until the next day to get the movie.)
Anywho, I am going to make an effort to have my fight face on less and be open and vulnerable more. Lets see how that goes.

Them vs. Me

We have been here in Dallas for 2 weeks now. The Big D!

I am adjusting and applying for jobs. Everything is unpacked and put in its place!! We spent last Saturday cleaning out so much stuff, and we purchased some shelves from Lowes, and now our garage is a lean, clean, organized machine!!! AWESOME!!

I have had a few bites from the resumes that I have been sending out. I have had some meetings and interviews and I have a temporary job for two weeks starting next Monday. (Side note, one interview was on the 38th floor of a 39 story building. I looked out the window and my palms were sweating. I spent the entire interview trying to calm my pounding heart, and hide my sweat stained pits from the interviewers. I am NOT a fan of heights)

The adjustment is going well, its just really really different. I have never lived in a big city. I grew up in a small town, went to college in a small town, and I have lived in a small town for the past four years. Now, we are in the heart of Dallas. There is a high rise condo building across the street, there are high rises less than 1/2 a mile down the road, and the freeway is about 1/4 of a mile from here. We are living in the heart of the big city.

I did not realize how many wealthy people live in Dallas. The most common brand of car in our neighborhood; Lexus. Would the plural of that be Lexi? Plus Acura, Infinity, and Mercedes. There have been some Bentley's cruising the hood as well.

We have a Honda and a Dodge......yea

One thing I have noticed is how different I am from many of the women around here. Just from observation here are some differences..

Them

Big Blonde hair

fake boobs

dressed up 95% of the time

in make up 100% of the time

clevage

Me

Flat Brunette hair

all natural chestage, on the smaller side

Dressed in shorts and tee shirts 95% of the time

make up about 2% of the time

don't show cleavage

I notice this when I go to the stores. I have seen women come home from work, get out of their work clothes, and then walk the dog in outfits that I would consider appropriate from going out. When I work out, I look like trash. These women wear tight spandex shorts and sports bras, and their hair looks better than mine ever will.

Until next time, if you see a brunette girl in the midst of the big blonde hair set---thats me, trying to hold on to normalcy.