Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Checking on Pop

Last weekend I went to Maine on a ski trip with friends and I had an amazing time. It was an anniversary, birthday,Christmas, Valentines,St. Patty's Day, Presidents Day, Memorial Day, Easter, and Thanksgiving present that P and I gave each other this year.  It was a short trip, but it was amazing none the less.

Look at this view, its amazing. How could it get any better?

While we were on the trip, my dad had his heart attack.  My parents did not tell me while we were on the trip. We flew back into town on Monday, and my mom text me around 8:00 PM asking if I had time to chat. I called her and we talked about the trip, and then she dropped the bomb. By 8:15 I had the Ipad on my lap looking for flights home.

I flew down to my parents neck of the woods on Friday around 5:00. I gave my dad a big hug and he and my mom assured me that he was ok, and was going to make a full recovery.

On the way from the airport I looked out my car window and saw this sunset. I sat there quietly for a moment and was so utterly grateful that my dad was going to be around awhile longer. I have looked at this picture quite a bit lately simply because we live in the city, and you  don't see views like this from our place, although, I can't honestly remember the last time I walked outside to try and see the sunset.
It saddens me that it took a medical emergency for me to stop and take note of something so extradorinary as a sunset. Its so beautiful and big, that it makes me feel small, but it a good way. It reminds me that somewhere, someone else is looking at that exact same sun setting, and they are going through something worse than I am.
I made a promise to myself that I would get up early on Saturday and Sunday and chase the sun rise. I would be outside, and bask in the beauty around me. Both days I woke up, put on my running shoes and hit the pavement. I ran to feel good. I did not have my garmin, I have no idea my pace, my distance, or the calories I burned. I ran, I walked, I turned my music on and off. I simply enjoyed a quiet morning, a slow morning, a morning for me.
In the end it was a good trip. My dad has to make some changes in his diet, and I was full of suggestions, and to say my dad was not pleased with what I suggested would be an understatement.
To him, anything beyond red meat and potatoes is exotic, his word, not mine. My way of eating must truly baffle him.
I was telling him about the wonder of kale chips, oatmeal, and tofu.  I think in that moment he wished the heart attack had just ended it.
He survived my suggestions, and even had oats for breakfast this morning.
Of all the things I saw this weekend, I think the most beautiful was my family. My mom, dad, grandma, and uncle. The only thing missing was P. Even when my mom and dad were bickering about food choices, it was good. In that moment I was reminded of a quote by Elizabeth Elliot
"Snoring is the sweetest sound you will ever hear, just ask any widow."
This week I vow not to let "busy" stop me from seeing the beauty all around me. I will open my heart, open my eyes, and allow myself to be vulnerable, to be full, to be empty, to just be.
What is the most beautiful thing you have seen, heard, or witnessed recently?

Friday, February 22, 2013

Friday Confessions

1. I didn't do confessions last week because I was on a ski trip and didn't tell you guys about it.

2. I put my ice cold feet and hands on P when we go to bed even though I know he hates it.

3. I have not cut coupons in 3 weeks and it stresses me out.

4. I have not worked out in days.

5.my phone functions as my alarm. I leave it plugged in on the floor next to my bed at night. When my alarm has gone off this week, I just threw my pillows on it so I couldn't hear it.


Fess up y'all

Tuesday, February 19, 2013


I pride myself on being in control. I find comfort in the controllable. I can control my attitude, I can control my to do lists, I can control how I react to situations. I like to be in control of my being, and the things around me.

When things happen that I cannot control, I suddenly feel very small, vulnerable and scared. There is nothing like an event that is uncontrollable to make you feel like your world has come crashing down.

Last week my dad had a heart attack. When I found out, I sat straight up in bed, and started asking questions, I immediately got my Ipad out started researching heart attacks. I wanted to know causes, triggers, how to treat them, how to recover from them, how to eat after a heart attack.

When I found out, I was stunned to say the least. I cried a lot, read a lot, prayed a lot, and forced myself to dwell upon some unpleasant realities. I think I shrunk about three inches. So often, we walk around as if we are invincible, well, at least I do. But then, when you get news like that, the shield of invincibility falls, and you are left standing there like a knight without armor. I don't think you can ever really brace yourself for a hit like that, a sucker punch to the gut.  All you can do is take in the news, and process. There is no amount of list making, house cleaning, mile running, or organizing that can take away that pain.

It is weird to me to live in a world where my parents are older, and no longer the super hero's of my youth. The ones that could lift heavy things, endure all kinds of pain, and push and push and push to the point of exhaustion. They can't do that kind of stuff any more, and its scary.

Fortunately, my dad only had a mild heart attack, and he is going to be fine. But that has not stopped the tears from flowing. For someone who has control of herself, the tears have been right behind the surface, and have come out in soft cries in the middle of the day, to huge sobs in bed in the  middle of the night. I am a woman who does not have control of this situation, and there is nothing I can do to change this reality. I have to accept, pray, and try and move forward.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

We need your help to solve an argument.

I love my husband (is that even worth saying???), I really do. P is AWESOME. He is my best friend, my confidant, my lover, my protector, my rock, and my accountability partner. He is wonderful.

One thing about P is that if you say something, he takes it at face value, and he will hold you accountable. I will be honest, at times, it is so frustrating to me. But, edification is a process, and he is constantly helping to edify me.

If you remember, one of my new years resolutions was to only take baths on the weekends, in an effort to reduce our water usage.Y'all, I LOVE taking a bath, and I really hate taking showers. There is something so relaxing and comfortaing about laying in a hot tub of water to start  and end my day. I also have really bad circulation, and as a result, my feet are usually freezing, and one of the only ways for me to warm up is to get into a hot bath.

So far, I have been keeping my resolution to only take baths on the weekends. P however, would not agree with that statement. He thinks I am not doing a very good job, because I will turn on the shower, and rather than stand, I will sit in the tub. He will come into the restroom and do checks to see if I am really showering during the week. He has called my showers, SHATHS, or shower baths.

I argue my point that I am indeed taking a shower, not a bath because the water is coming from the shower head, and I have not plugged the drain. I contend that taking a bath is being submerged in water, but by taking a shower and sitting I am not submerged, so I am still actually taking a shower.  BOOM, point made.

P continues to deny that I am actually showering. He thinks because I sit and stay in the tub until the hot water runs out means that I am actually bathing, not showering.

We need imput, we need to end this bitter feud.

Please help us.

Shower or bath? What do you think?

Are you a shower-er or a bather?

Friday, February 8, 2013

Friday confessions

1. I yelled at P yesterday morning because he would not make my breakfast.

2. I yelled at P yesterday afternoon because we were playing a game and he kicked the ball far away for me.

3. My allergies are out of control. I now blow my nose on shirts.

4. I took a woman's equipment at the gym and when she approached me I acted like I didn't know she was using it.

5. Ate more m&ms this week.


Fess up peeps.


Tuesday, February 5, 2013


What do you do when you see rudeness? Do you say something to the person? Do you look down and act like you didn't see it? Do you apologize to the victim? Most of the time, I just look down and don't say anything. Color me embarrassed.

Monday morning I was at the gym by 5:00 AM ready to work out. At my gym, you enter your phone number into a key pad, and scan your finger.  Mr. Man in line in front of me entered the number twice, and as he tried to scan his finger, it did not work. Rather than do it a third time, Mr. Man looked at the girl and said "this is broken." The girl  tried to reset the program for him, and asked him to try again. He looked at her, and in a really harsh voice said "I'm not entering my number again. You sign me in." The young girl behind the counter looked a little taken aback by Mr. Man. She asked for his licence and he let out the biggest sigh, then Mr. Man went into a verbal rant underneath his breath. You could hear the words "dumb, stupid, f'ing ridiculous."

Mr. Man was not happy to say the least. The young girl behind the counter got him signed in, and he stormed off to light weights.

As I stepped up to the counter, I looked at the girl and she was red in the face, and I could tell she was really flustered. I simply signed in, and went on my way.

I really wish I would have said something to her. I should have apologized to her for his behavior and given her a hug. I should have said something to Mr. Man about being nice and patient. It took all of an extra 45 seconds for the whole process to take place, but he acted like it was the biggest inconvenience he had ever experienced.

It really made me realize just how spoiled we are as Americans. We are or used to getting what we want when we want it right away. We don't have patience, we are short with others and we so often want to issue judgment towards others while demanding grace and mercy for ourselves.

Ultimately, it is not about being "nicer" to one another. It is about love, respect, and honor for our fellow man. It is about caring for others more than we care for ourselves. It is about spreading something other than hate. Look at us right now, as a people, as a species, we are horrible to each other. We walk into schools, malls, or theaters and massacre each other. We drop bombs that kill hundreds of people at a time. We torture, maim, and humiliate each other.

Have we lost respect for each other? We no longer recognize the dignity in work, the dignity in respect. It seems as if we no longer recognize the value in humans. We treat each other like they are machines. We love computers and machinery b/c of what it can do for us, what we can pull out of it, how much it can accomplish for us. Have we become so desensitized to one another that we are now users rather than givers?

How often do you see that happen around you? How often do you act like that? How often do you treat others like that?

Is it too late for us? Do you think we can change,or is it too late? Are we too far gone?

I hope not pray not.

The remainder of this week is going to be different for me. I need to stand up for love and respect. I need to show everyone around me that it is not too late. My vow is to live intentionally for the rest of this week. I vow to stop blowing others off, to stop making others the victims of my rage, the recipient of my annoyance. I vow to change.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Friday confessions

1.We went toWhole Foods with no intention of buying groceries. We only went to get samples because we were hungry.

2. I at so many M&ms this week.

3. I still have not taken down my Christmas wreath.

4. A guy farted at the gym, and I laughed out loud at him.


Fess up peeps.