Sometimes, I just lust for things. Stuff. Stuffitis. It is true, I like clothes, art, electronics, books. It is so easy for me to go into Target for nothing in particular, and walk out with a cart full of stuff that I didn't need, or even necessarily want to begin with.
I don't know if it is because we are coming off the Christmas season and everywhere I looked I saw people in a blind rage frantically trying to buy buy buy as much stuff and junk as they could, as quickly as they could. I hated the greediness that I saw come out of everyone this holiday season. Or maybe, being disgusted by what I saw in everyone else, was actually just a mirror image of what I dislike about myself.
Going on this spending freeze for the month of January has been a really good, but telling experience. Being perfectly honest with myself, I have always thought of P as the spender in our relationship and I was the saver. But, it turns out, I have the same desire to buy things and spend our hard earned money on things just like everyone else. It is funny that when we take ourselves out of our normal routines, and we really begin to live intentionally, we notice things about ourselves that we really didn't notice ever before. I was projecting things onto him that were not necessarily true to who he is.
Stepping back and evaluating our situation, I see that the holes and leaks in our financial house have been brought on by myself as well. This evaluation has already made an impact on me. I have found the past few days, my desire to collect as much as possible is already beginning to subside. I feel like a dieter who is fasting for sweets. It is hard for the first few days, but slowly, the cravings subside, and in the place where that lust used to live, is now a place of contentment and peace. Sure, there are a ton of things that I want right now, but I am no longer in a blind rage of trying to find them and seek out the best deal because I needed it and I need it now.
How are you doing after coming off the holiday season's excesses?