I cried last night. I was on the verge of tears this morning, and it was not even 7:30. I am not talking one glistening tear that rolls down your cheek. I am talking monster tears, the kind that fall straight to you lap like rain drops. It is really unlike me to cry. I don't cry easily, and last night I just broke down. There is a ton going on at school and I am feeling overwhelmed. I have a ton of tasks that have to get done, yet I don't have the time to do them. These are things that have to be done at school because our administration does not allow us to access our computers from home. If I could get this work done at home it would be no problem, but unfortunately, I can't. Plus, our administration has been adding new tasks for us to complete almost on a daily basis. I have to find some large block of time during the day to sit down and do this work, but as a teacher, I don't really have that luxury. I don't have large chunks of time where I can zone out and stare at a computer. I have 25 kids to manage every hour. Plus, starting next week I wont have my conference for 2 weeks because of meetings so that is even more of the time that I had to get work done taken away. Add into the fact that I do tutoring before school, and I have coaching after school, there is almost no time.
It is so hard for me because I am so task oriented, and I want to get things done quickly and efficiently. When I can't get them done, it really starts to eat away at me, and it sometimes seems like that is the only thing that I can focus on, the work that I have not done. I am so frustrated because our plates are so full already, and it keeps piling on. And, due to the work load, I feel I have been neglecting my students, which makes me feel horrible. My only option right now is to give them seat work, and keep them quiet while I get my stuff done. I spoke with my principal today and she simply said she knew it was a lot, but it had to be done. So today I am working as fast and efficiently as I can to get things marked off my list so I can get back to my job, teaching.