Thursday, September 24, 2009

I am not superwoman

I cried last night. I was on the verge of tears this morning, and it was not even 7:30. I am not talking one glistening tear that rolls down your cheek. I am talking monster tears, the kind that fall straight to you lap like rain drops. It is really unlike me to cry. I don't cry easily, and last night I just broke down. There is a ton going on at school and I am feeling overwhelmed. I have a ton of tasks that have to get done, yet I don't have the time to do them. These are things that have to be done at school because our administration does not allow us to access our computers from home. If I could get this work done at home it would be no problem, but unfortunately, I can't. Plus, our administration has been adding new tasks for us to complete almost on a daily basis. I have to find some large block of time during the day to sit down and do this work, but as a teacher, I don't really have that luxury. I don't have large chunks of time where I can zone out and stare at a computer. I have 25 kids to manage every hour. Plus, starting next week I wont have my conference for 2 weeks because of meetings so that is even more of the time that I had to get work done taken away. Add into the fact that I do tutoring before school, and I have coaching after school, there is almost no time.
It is so hard for me because I am so task oriented, and I want to get things done quickly and efficiently. When I can't get them done, it really starts to eat away at me, and it sometimes seems like that is the only thing that I can focus on, the work that I have not done. I am so frustrated because our plates are so full already, and it keeps piling on. And, due to the work load, I feel I have been neglecting my students, which makes me feel horrible. My only option right now is to give them seat work, and keep them quiet while I get my stuff done. I spoke with my principal today and she simply said she knew it was a lot, but it had to be done. So today I am working as fast and efficiently as I can to get things marked off my list so I can get back to my job, teaching.


Elvira said...

I'm also a teacher, but I'm not in the same situation. I can imagine how frustrating this must be for you. There's no adivice I can give you, I haven't been in the same situation (our school system is quite different, I think). But there has been one year in which I had some huge class management troubles that really got in the way of the teaching itself. I have forced myself then to take a step back, take a look at the situation and make a plan how to tackle it. In my case, I gave myself two evenings and at least one full day in the weekend off: school didn't exist anymore on those moments. It did me well and I've grown stronger. I wish for you a way to cope with all those things. Take care!

Anonymous said...

you don't have to be superwoman - you just have to be you. your story sounds similar to what our teachers were going through. I know you don't go on strike though. I admire your passion towards teaching. Only a select few have what it takes and I know you are one of them.

Simplelivin' said...

That sticks! My mom teaches in a district that is doing the same thing. This is there last year before they get taken over by the state, so they are trying to pull themselves up at the sacrifice of their teachers. It's so not cool. Have you tried talking with your peers and seeing if you can't all say something as a team? Hang in there, you'll get through it!!!

A Friend Across the Miles said...

Oh, hang in there friend! Your students are so blessed to have you for a teacher. That you care speaks volumes.

Have you been able to get any running in? As I'm sure you know, even a 30 minute run does wonders. Be sure you still take time for you - it's not an indulgence or selfish. It's necessary.

underthebigbluesky said...

i cannot imagine. i always have felt that with the growing classroom sizes and amount of administrative paperwork, how do teachers even get to do what they really got there to do which iss affect children? i hope it gets better for you!

i sent an email to my daughter's teacher last week to let her know i'd be picking her up for a dr. appointment, and she sent me a response at 9:36pm, obviously she was working at home ;-)

and a good cry does do wonders!